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Sniffing Around

12 Feb

The dogs rarely go into the kid’s rooms.  Mostly because their bedrooms are rife with tiny toys and stuffed animals just waiting to be un-stuffed.  Their bedrooms are the the things dreams are made of.

As you can tell, Lemon was very grateful for having been given such an opportunity.  Beds that had never be marred by her doggie scent?  Oh, the work that had to be done!  Please, let me kiss you!

Denny mostly showed his excitement by running laps through each of their bedrooms and hunting for things to shred.  He wasn’t really excited by Lemon’s kisses.

All smiles!  (Well, Denny is smiling behind that mouthful of stuffed fox.


It was a large, friendly beast

18 May

Every morning after I drop off the kids at school I come back home and walk the dogs around our neighborhood.  It’s good exercise for all three of us, plus it gives the dogs a chance to do their business in the yard up the road instead of in my living room.  It’s a win-win.  This morning we’d struck out early in hopes to catch as many cats as we could at the cat house.  There is a house about a block away that we pass by every day.  And every day,  on average there are at least three cats scattered about the yard in what I am sure is a plot to drive my dogs insane.  I’ve counted as many as six different cats there before.  What you might call crazy makes me feel nostalgic.  My mom has a ridiculous number of cats herself and I can’t see that much fur on a lawn without thinking of her.  

Now back to the walk…

We’d barely made it to the corner of our street before we met up with some excitement.  The house near the corner is home to a Shiba Inu who thinks it’s poop doesn’t stink (pst, it does) and quite possibly the largest Mastiff I have ever laid eyes upon.  This dog is e-freakin-normous.  I’ve only ever seen it’s head poking out from under its garage door and the tip of its tail as it whizzed past the top of a 6 foot fence.  It’s like the dog from The Sandlot.  This morning, however, it escaped from its yard and ran at full speed for me and the dogs.  Lemon, who is a dainty southern bell, yelped loudly and then proceeded to dissolve into a puddle of Dachshund pudding.  Denny, who is completely tailless and whose legs are barely long enough to be called legs, tried to eat the Mastiff.  And what about me?  I squeezed my eyes shut, held my breath and waited for the dog to eat me alive.  Maybe it would be kind and go for a vital organ first.  However it turned out that the horse-dog was extremely friendly and is named Bailey instead of Butch the Destroyer like I had imagined.  

Bailey didn’t linger long as his master, a small woman who could have happily ridden the dog to work, ran into the yard to gather him up.  She apologize and I finally found enough nerve to open my eyes and give her one of those “…ah, no big deal.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ve wet myself” kind of smiles.  I managed to get Lemon going again, who I am sure would have laid there and played dead for a solid week if that’s what it would have taken for her to regain her composure.  She’s so delicate.  [wink]

The rest of the walk passed by like normal.  Although there was only one cat to be seen at the cat house.  It was a large and fluffy cat who had enough fur to make at least two more.  So I wasn’t disappointed.  It was a grand enough cat to make up for the lack of the rest of the hoard.  Though not nearly as big as Bailey.

We totally broke Spring

17 Mar

Can you tell that it’s spring break?  The kids are out of school which means that this week has been a balancing act of entertainment and work.  It’s an art.  So far they’ve been to the movies to see “Rango”, taken a bagillion trips to the park and have even made dog treats from scratch.  This little adventure afforded me the chance to utter a phrase I never thought I would:

“No.  You cannot have another dog treat.  You’ve had enough for one day.”  [siiigh]

I’m definitely keeping that one in my back pocket for future embarrassment.   [wink]

To wind up the week we’re taking a trip to Texas to visit family and hopefully do some star gazing.  Because we all now that “…the stars at night are big and bright [bum, bum, bum bum] …deep in the heart of Texas!”    And the song doesn’t lie.  I’ve never seen more spectacular night skies than the ones in Texas.

I know, it’s been a slack week here and I’ll definitely get my act together next week.  Until then, I leave you with Lemon.  She’s recently discovered the glories of laundry fresh from the dryer:

Yes these pictures were taken with my cell phone.  And yes, those are boxer shorts that Lemon is wearing.  Hopefully Jordan won’t mind.  ;]

Lemon’s Snow Balls

8 Feb

Is Lemon ready for round two of snow?  I don’t think so.  The poor dog loves the snow, but the sad part is that it loves her too.  A little more than I would consider healthy.  And let me just state for the record that I am not one of those people who dresses up their dog.  Is she the cutest thing on for legs in her hoodie?  Without a doubt.  But it’s only worn when needed.  Say when the snow is taller than her.  Or maybe when the wind chill is in the negative.  Which should start at around 6:00 tonight.

Though I can’t complain too much.  I think she likes to do her deep thinking while thigh-deep in snow.  The loss of feeling in her extremities makes room in her brain for pondering the meaning of life and why dog poop tastes so good.  [wink]  Two very important questions.

Put the lotion in the basket

9 Dec


My dog has lost his mind.  He hasn’t just temporarily misplaced it, it is gone.  Forever.  Never to return.  (Could I get any more dramatic?)

Tuesday Denny went to the vet to get neutered.  He’s gotten to be a little too aggressive, especially around Fisher.  (Could it be because Fisher regularly body-checks Denny?  Hrm.)  It was the usual routine: check in early, stay overnight, return home the next day minus the hormones.  And apparently, a shred of sanity.  Did you know that a dogs peace of mind can be found in the region of his nads?  I didn’t either, but I’m pretty sure that’s where it is.  His herding instincts have suddenly been kicked into high gear.  Much to the detriment of Lemon.  He follows her everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  He doesn’t get more than 2mm away from her at all times.  Meal time?  Why eat his food when he can obsess over Lemon eating hers.  Nap time?  Why stretch out and relax when you can have a 20 pound Corgi sit on top of you?  Need I say more?

He’s walking around the house in a constant state of hyperventilation.  I was sure that after five hours that he might pass out.  But, no.  He hasn’t.  He’s still just panting, shaking and stalking.  I’m waiting for him to tell Lemon to “…It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”  If he had a basement, I’d totally be checking it out for dead prostitutes & Dachshund-skin jackets.

And the worse part?  He desperately needs to be wearing the “cone of shame.”  But when he’s in the cone, he dials up the crazy to 10.  Do you really want to know how much sleep I got last night?   Would you like it in hours or minutes?  Because it wouldn’t be hard to calculate either.

(Even now as I’m typing Lemon is sitting in my lap and Denny is staring madly at her from the edge of the recliner.  Barking, whimpering, panting and basically going nuts.  Holy moly.)

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go hunt down an aroma-therapy candle for my dog.

My dog, the butterface.

15 Nov

I do not know how to tactfully segue into todays topic, some I’m just going to get down to business:



You all know of Lemon by this point, right?  Right.  She oozes awesomeness and is quite possibly the most cuddly dog that has ever curled up in your lap.  I freakin’ love this dog.  Thus, it came as a surprise when I walked in the front door Sunday morning to find her head the size of a small c antelope.  (By the way, way do people measure swelling in fruit?  “It was the size of a watermelon…[gasp!])

Thankfully she was able to breathe despite the fact that she now looked like a basset hound instead of a dachshund.  Grocery shopping was pushed aside for a quick trip to the emergency animal clinic.  Animal emergency clinic?  The clinic for animals with an emergency?  You take your pick.  Needless to say, it was a long ride to the vet.  Lemon paced about the front seat and shot pitiful looks at other drivers when we happened to be stopped by a red light.   “Oh, honey…look, a puppy!  [squinting]  Agh!  What happened to it?!”  [green light]  Yeah, sorry folks.

We actually made it to the vet’s office in good time, it just seems like forever when your dog might stop breathing at any second.  Oh goody.  Anyhoo…we made it.  The attendant at the front desk started to ask what the problem was, but stopped halfway through her question when she looked up at our dog.  “Uh….never mind.  Come right this way.”

She weighed her, listened to her heart beat and probed her with the obligatory, jelly coated utensils before leaving to fetch the Vet.  After a few minutes the Vet on call came in and once again started to ask about our dog’s problem.  However, this time she stopped half-way through her question so she could laugh in pity at our dog’s face.



….and what a sad face it was.  I was almost in tears and the Vet was cackling over the admittedly hilarious appearance of Lemon’s face.  I was about to work-up some righteous indignation, but decided not to.  The Vet didn’t act like she was in imminent danger, so I cooled my jets.  It turned out to be a simple allergic reaction to a bug bit/sting.  That’s what happens when you stick your nose in places it doesn’t belong.  (Like in the ivy growing on the backyard fence.)

Lemon was given some shots, I was given a bill and we all went home relatively happy.  Lemon enjoyed the bliss of a drug induced sleep for the rest of the day and I enjoyed holding her in my lap.  She is fantastically warm and down-right fun to look at…even when her face is, *ahem* disfigured.

The Three Non-Amigos

5 Oct

I’m on dog duty this week.  With Jordan’s mom gone to Texas with her Dad for a visit to M.D. Anderson, I’ve got several furry bodies to watch after.  And for the most part it’s not that bad.  Denny lazes about until he notices that your ankles haven’t been gnawed on in a while.  Lemon follows you around like a groupie hoping that you’ll accidentally fall so she can smother you with her love.  And Zoey, Jordan’s Mom’s Shiba Inu is indifferent to everyone and everything.  Unless you’re an elderly woman walking your Yorkie on the sidewalk.  Then she’ll bark at you from the dining room window like a creature from the beyond.  Hey….the elderly and they’re lap dogs need to be taken down a notch every once in a while….right?

So this morning it was my turn to try my hand at walking all three dogs at one time.  And to quote some famous last words…”How hard could it be?”   The answer?  Harder than you think.  Zoey sprints from leaf to leaf in a hurry to pee on them all so she can get back home and bark at the innocent from her ivory tower.  Denny lunges himself at every car that passes him by…which wouldn’t be all that bad if he and Lemon weren’t coupled together on a shared lead.  Thus when he makes one of him infamous lunges, Lemon gets slung through the air in a back flip reminiscent of a Cirque du Sole act.  After ten minutes of this juggling act I could care less whether one of the dogs leaves a steaming surprise in the neighbor’s yard.  Sorry folks…but your grass thanks me.  You couldn’t by fertilizer fresher than that.

Mmm…no better way to start your morning than with some steamy goodness.  *wink*

Denny, car chaser extraordinaire.

Lemon, helpless heroine of morning walks.

Zoey, leaf pee-ing aficionado.