Archive | July, 2010

Me and the Guys

28 Jul

Me and the Guys.


Today is my last day of work.  And I’m really going to miss my guys.  I can’t think of a better group of people to work with.  Thanks to everyone at my office for making the last 5 years awesome!  


Guess what’s flammable?

27 Jul

1) Candles are flammable.  I did my fair share of blowing out candles this past weekend at an early birthday shindig for myself, twin sister and best friend.  Since I’ll be in Oklahoma on my birthday, my mom decided to celebrate early.  I’m okay with this.  I’ll take any excuse to not cook.  Plus, this free meal came with birthday cake.  Sha-zam!  Could it get any better?  Negative.

2) Cats.  Cats are flammable.  I discovered this over the weekend as well at my early birthday party.  My mom’s cat, who HAD a very fluffy tail decided to sit down next to a candle.  One moment we were all having a quiet discussion over cake and the next my sister was screaming.  “The cat is on fire!!”  Ahhh….phrases you never thought you’d hear in life.  The flaming cat ran about the kitchen trailing smoke and burnt hair.  He was eventually caught and snuffed out.  No worries…the cat is fine, just a little less fluffy.  ;)


…And the nasty just keeps coming

23 Jul

Today’s post is a little….well….gross.  You may want to read with caution. 


The other day a tenant called up to the office to report that her toilet was clogged.  We sent out a plumber to fix the clog and to see what had caused it.  He reported back that he had pulled a wash cloth and a large amount of toilet paper from the drain line.  Weird.  But definitely not the weirdest thing we’ve pulled from a tenant’s drain line.  We charged the tenant for the service call and went on our merry way.

She just got the bill for the service call and called to dispute the charge.  The conversation was as follows:

Tenant: “Um…yes.  I want to complain about this charge because I don’t use toilet paper.”

Me:  *shocked silence*  “Uhhh…”

Tenant: “You see, I feel like toilet paper doesn’t get me as clean as I’d like, so I keep a wash cloth by the toilet and use it instead.”

Me: *Holding back vomit*  “…You do what?!”

Tenant: “Oh, don’t worry.  I use Clorox.  You see, I don’t like the stains or the smell.  So I use Clorox to clean it off.”

Me: *Oh merciful heavens!*  “Riiiight.  Unfortunately, the charge will not be removed.  It was due to the wash cloth getting flushed down the toilet that your drain line got clogged.”   *Barf…barf*

Tenant:  “Oh, I know.  But it was an accident, you see.  I didn’t mean to flush it.  It must have fallen in when I wasn’t looking.”

This is definitely not something I’ll miss when I leave next week.  *Shudder*

Pharyngitis with a side of an URI

22 Jul

So…I’ve been sick.  And I’ve packed.  And I’ve driven all over creation running errands.  Thus, this blog has been neglected.  However, I like to think of it as a cactus.  It’s able to go long periods without attention, yet still able to retain life.  (At least, that’s what I’m telling myself.) 

Who knew you could get Pharyngitis and an Upper Respiratory Infection in the middle of the summer?  I thought those diseases were strictly  restricted to the fall, winter and spring.  Apparently I was wrong.  Being under the weather has hampered my packing abilities along with a few other regular chores.  However, I’m on my way back to being well.  At least my body decided to betray me this week and not next week when we’ll be driving halfway across the country. 

Today I realized that I’ve only got a week left at my job.  With almost five years spent in the same office, it’s a bit sad to think about leaving it.  Don’t get me wrong, I will not miss the general public that I have to deal with every day.  However, my co-workers have become family to me and I’ll miss them greatly. 

Speaking of the general public, get a load of what I experienced this morning:

A sweaty, hairy, obese, rotten-toothed man staggered into our office this morning.  He had come to apply to rent a property and was wanting to explain his disability income.  Evidently he thought that showing me a copy of his disability statement wouldn’t be proof enough.  Oh no.  He pulled up his shirt, turned around and started to tug down on his shorts when I screamed in horror.  He begged me to let him show me his scars, but a screamed at him to put his shirt down.  I did NOT want to see that. 

Since then I’ve contemplated gouging out my eyes.  They were violated this morning, but they could come in handy later in life.  I decided that through therapy they might recover. 


Did I really say that I will miss my job?  ;)

Packing Paper Fiasco

14 Jul

Last night marked the beginning of a two-ish week-long packing marathon, hosted by yours truly. 

I sense a collective groan coming my way, but I choose to ignore it.  I relish the idea of sifting through my things, organizing them, packing them and throwing away a quarter of them.  Ahhh.  I am in my element.  

I only got two boxes packed last night, which isn’t as much as I had hoped to accomplish.  I blame it on Buffy.  Jordan & I are slowly working our way through all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Nerdy?  Perhaps, but I’m loving every minute of it.  How have I not watched this show before now?

The other reason I only got two boxes packed last night was because I sustained my first packing injury of what I am sure will be many.  I’ve never used one of those hand-held tape dispensers before.  You know, the ones with the handle and serrated teeth.  Effective and dangerous at the same time. 

I was camped out in the middle of my living room floor with a stack of packing paper and breakables.  I’d just sat down the tape gun, as I’m calling it, when I noticed that the next sheet of packing paper was covered in blood.

Me: “Oh.  My. Gosh.”

Jordan: “What?!”

Me: “I cannot believe it.  The company we ordered the boxes and packing paper from?  Well, someone in the warehouse bled all over our packing paper!”

Me:  “Oh wait.  It’s me!” 

Apparently the tape gun is not only good at dispensing tape, but it’s also good at slicing up my knuckles.

But seriously….wouldn’t you be angry if someone bled on your packing paper?  ;)

For The Ladies

13 Jul

A few rhetorical questions for the ladies:

1) Don’t you love it when you go to undo your pants in the bathroom only to find that your zipper was already down?

2) Don’t you love a new bra?  (Gaaahhh…it is glorious.)

(If I didn’t lose the guys on question one, then I’ve definitely lost them now.)

Fresh off the rack (and from the washer) a new bra is wonderful, especially for someone who’s had two kids.  *ahem*  I acquired some new lady lovelies the other day from my sister.  She had unknowingly purchased the wrong size and thus I inherited three new brassieres.  Normally no one else notices a new bra, which is just as it should be.  And my new lady lovelies were cruising under the radar until one night when I decided to pull it off and relax.

(Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.  You get home from work, take off your shoes and then take off your bra….and then breathe a sigh of relief.)

Well, apparently my new bra was doing too good a job.  Jaden entered the room a few minutes later and came to a sudden stop in front of me.

“Um, mommy?”  *motioning to my chest*  “They shrank!!”

Yep.   These new bras a fantastic!  (Until I take them off.)  ;)

Adventures with Winston

12 Jul

The other weekend Jordan and I had the pleasure of dog sitting for one of my best friends.  Meet Winston:

He’s an adorable American Bulldog that has almost as much energy as he does personality.  Look at those eyes.  *sigh*  He is such an irresistable pup.  Well, he’s 14 + months old…still a pup, in my book.

Jordan and I have grand dreams of Winston spending the weekend frolicking about our back yard with Denny and Lemon.  Maybe even resting at the feet of our children as they watched cartoons.

Oh no.  Dreams = Crashed.

Denny was greatly offended  by the presence of another male dog in our house.  How could we?  Though he has short legs, he’s still top dog…right?  No, Winston was not going to be doing any frolicking.  Instead, he stared at Denny in disbelief as Denny tried to bark menacingly at him.  Denny the ever-loving Corgi turned protective and down right insufferable.

Then there was Lemon. Sweet, innocent Lemon.  She found Winston to be the most terrifying dog she had ever met.  The nasty pit bull up the road?  Psh.  Not scary at all.  The adorable, harmless Winston?  Oh, he’s practically Godzilla.  She spent the weekend wetting herself and cowering in fear.

The there were the children.  Oh, Winston loved them.  And I do mean LOVED.  He loved them so much in fact that he tried to make puppies with them.  “Winston!  No humping the children!”  (Oh, the things I never thought I’d say.)

So, poor pitiful Winston spend the weekend being shuffled about the house like he was a rival gang member in prison.  And the worst part was having to suffer through his looks of misunderstanding.  He couldn’t fathom why no one but Jordan and myself wanted to play with him.

Lucky for him, he got plenty of play time.

Even some unscheduled play time.  We came to discover that Winston is the canine version of Houdini.  He can escape from any enclosure at any time.  Five-foot fence?  No problem.  He’ll just climb it.  Metal, indoor dog pen?  He’ll just bend the bars.  By Sunday he had me wishing that I kept some spare kryptonite around the house.

Escape attempts aside, dog-sitting Winston was a blast.  He was excellent company, especially when it came to afternoon naps.  Though Denny & Lemon were glad to see him go, it was a bit sad for Jordan and I to return him.