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Fish Friday

21 Sep

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Oscar, my office betta, is certainly glad it’s Friday. Can’t you see the joy in his eyes? The excitement eeking out of his every fin?

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Look How Far You’ve Come

26 Jan

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Saturday is my co-worker’s birthday.  And since she considers it to be a National Holiday, she is taking the day off tomorrow.  Thus, today was the day for all office festivities.  I hung up the obligatory “Happy Birthday” banner and even doused her desk in confetti…because I’m just that nice.  I even went so far as to make her a hand-made card.  (Complete with fallopian tubes & ovaries!)  You only wish you had a friend as awesome as myself.

I saw a card similar to this the other day on the internet and instantly fell in love.  It is the best card idea in existence.

I think it turned out well considering I’ve never drawn a uterus before and it was completed in under five minutes.  You know you’ve done a good job on gift-giving when the recipient is too embarrassed to show it off freely.

You’re welcome.

The skirt who betrayed me

19 May

Since starting a new job a few weeks ago, I’ve had to change my dressing habits.  At first I was incredibly sad.  For the last six years I’ve had the luxury of being able to wear whatever my heart desired.  (Within reason.  Damn bikini.  It had ruffles.  Surely that’s “business casual.”)   And for the last year I’ve practically lived in gym clothes.  Spandex and Lycra have become my dearest companions.  I haven’t painted my toes in almost ten months since they are constantly obscured from view inside a pair of sneakers.  Oh to dress in baggy T-shirts and too short shorts.  It’s the American dream.

Now that I’m working in Insurance, I’ve had to “spruce” things up a bit.  Paint my toes, shave my legs above my knees, spend 8+ hours in heels: It’s all good.  I must admit at first I was not loving the change, but now I’ve come to embrace it.  There’s nothing that makes you feel more feminine than slipping into a skirt and some heels and strutting it into work.  Yes, I’ve gotten to where I’m in love with business dress and it loves me.  Unless, I thought it did.

Yesterday I was killing some time during my lunch hour by stopping by Kohl’s to peruse their kitchen gadgets.  As I crossed the windy parking lot I suddenly could not feel my skirt around my legs anymore.  And then I realized it was because it was floating about somewhere in the area of my navel.  Yes, I’d just flashed my delicates at an elderly Korean woman who was making her way to the door alongside me.  And the worst part was that I was wearing plaid, green and red unmentionables.  In May.  I’m sure that the woman was silently judging me for celebrating Christmas in May.  It’s practically a Greek tragedy.

So today, I’m donning some dress slacks.  With a belt.  And weights attached to the cuffs.  Surely these will treat me well.  ;]

What’s in a Name?

23 Mar

It’s rare that I get to blog about work these days.  Since I left property management my excitement meter is normally pointing at empty.  However, there are those few days a month when I come across some gems.  Take for instance today:  I’m working on a map from Tippecanoe County, Indiana from back in the 1830’s.  It is chock full of the most amazing names that you’ve ever heard.

My first example: Dimmitt Cole.  Holy cow. Why?  Did the parents not know how to spell “dammit”?  His name makes the perfect expletive:  “Dimmitt!  I stubbed my toe!”

Behind door number two there is: Peter Horney.  I am not lying.  I just hope that those references for male genitalia weren’t around back then.  [immature giggle]

And finally there is: Cuthbert Bullitt.  Oh, these three would make the most amazing posse ever known.  I could see them starring in their own western.  “Be on the lookout for the Tippecanoe gang!  They’re a steely eyed bunch!”  [Bahaha!]

I could go on, but I’ll stop here.  Who knew that genealogical research could be so entertaining?  Poverbs Butt, that’s who.  [laugh]  (Yes, he was a real person.)

Stapler Love

13 Jan

You know how your spouse/significant other can give you “that” look and you know that a smooch is in your future?  Everyone knows the look.  Well, the “look” that Jordan and I share while at work is a little different.  It involves a stapler.  Forget scented oils, a good Swingline is the way to go!  [wink]

The stapler has become a necessity as of late due to the bone-dry air of Oklahoma.  There is zero moisture in the air.  In its place, however, is boundless amounts of static electricity.   Ooo, ahh!  If you squint hard enough you can actually see little lightning bolts whizzing through the air.  They’re bright yellow and typically jagged at the edges.

Where does the stapler fit into this scenario?  Well, apparently by walking from my office into Jordan’s I pick up quite the electrical charge.  And Jordan picks up an equally powerful charge just by looking at me.  (I’m sure that’s where it comes from.  I am one hot lady….)  [wink]  And, by trial and error, we’ve learned that we need to discharge ourselves before attempting even the slightest peck on the cheek much less any lip action.  Because no one likes bleeding lips.  (Our lips haven’t actually bled from a static shock, however they have scampered off in fear and hid under a shelf of books for several hours.  We were finally able to lure them out with the promise of Chapstick…and Diet Dr. Pepper.)

Thus, the stapler.  It’s the only thing on Jordan’s desk that has metal on it.  And thus it is the only item in the vicinity with which we can discharge our pent-up electricity.  So now, when I pass by Jordan’s office, if I’m lucky he’ll be staring at me with wide eyes and holding out a stapler.

“Aw, baby.  That’s so romantic!”  ;]

Names of the 1840’s

8 Oct

By working with genealogical records all day, every day, I am given the pleasure of coming across some of the most amazing and otherworldly names that one could imagine.  With the popularity of “interesting/original” baby names sweeping across the nation, maybe parents shouldn’t be buying the most recent baby name books.  Maybe they should be looking into their past for inspiration instead.  Of course…how tempting is “Elliphaz” for your son’s name?  ;)

My top ten favorite names for the week (straight from 1840’s Illinois):

  • Slingsby
  • Zimpi
  • Owzzy
  • Oyzy
  • Lemuel
  • Elliphaz
  • Mirhynna
  • Ignance
  • Cyprian
  • Abijah

Thank you, early settlers for making my work exciting.

That’s your REAL name?!

27 Sep

I thought that by escaping Property Management and money collection in general, that I was free from insulting phone calls.  Oh, I was wrong.  I woman called last week to place an order after she had trouble “figuring out the internet.”  It’s a complicated concept.  *ahem*  All was going well until the end of the phone call.

“Sweetie…what’s your name?

“My name is Raine…like the weather.”

“RAINE?!  That’s your name?!  That’s your REAL name?!”

“Yes..it’s really my name.”

“What mother gives their child such a name?!  Is it your first name?!”

“No, it’s my middle name.  I go by my middle name.”

“Well, thank goodness for THAT!  RAINE!  I’ve never heard of such a name.”  *disgusted sight*

*nervous laugh*  “Yes…well…uh…”

Unfortunately, you’re not allowed to call a customer a Bitch to her face.  Such a shame.  I would have called her such a name in the most endearing way I knew how.  Alas, I let her stomp on my name and hang up with the satisfaction that she’d crushed my self-image.  Because I’m nice that way.  Now, that’s customer service.  ;)