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Election 2012

6 Nov


I got up early this morning to be at the polls as soon as they opened to vote. It was a brisk 36 degrees outside and I neglected to bring my coffee. Needless to say, It was a looong wait in the cold. However, waiting in such a long, cold line gave me a greater sense of fulfillment than if I had just skipped in and out in under a few minutes. I didn’t just vote, I VOTED. (All caps because of the wait and the weather.)

As a Georgia native, I missed walking away from the polls with the classic Peach Voter Sticker. I miss that little peach.  I was really hoping for something Native American on my Oklahoma sticker or maybe even a scene from the land rush.  I know, the sticker isn’t the important part.  (But a Sooner Schooner sticker sure would have complimented my sweater today.)  *wink*

Sticker preferences aside, please get out there and do your part by voting today. No excuses. Just because you don’t live in a swing state does not mean that you shouldn’t go vote. Every vote counts. Remember, you’re not just voting for the President of the United States.  There are also other important state questions and state positions to be voted for.

Bi-Monthly Roundup

2 Nov

The past two weeks have been in-sane.  If the past two weeks had a commemorative T-shirt, it would be in the style of a marathon complete with bloody noses, freezing asses and, of course, jack-o-lanterns.  (And it would be the most amazing T-shirt ever.)

My Septoplasty recovery ending up being more intense and drawn-out than I had hoped.  It was an inescapable type of pain that did not waver despite the prescription painkillers I threw at it.  Relief was found only after my surgeon removed the splints from my nose. That said, stop whatever you are doing right now and search for a YouTube video of someone having nasal splints removed.  It is horrible and gross and you just can’t peel your eyes away.  Oh the carnage!  (I may have exaggerated a bit just now.)  Exaggerations aside, it was not a pleasant experience and oh-my-god I couldn’t believe how long or how large those things were!  Surely they impaled my brain fully and poked out through my hair on the back-side of my skull.

Ten days after surgery I once again participated in a local drug awareness parade along side my employer and my children.  The parade is kind of a big deal and the turn out from the community was staggering.  The kids absolutely loved the experience.  You’d think that they’d rather by on the side lines collecting candy.  But no, they thought that throwing candy to the thousands of children at the parade was one of the best thing ever.  It made me more than a little proud.  :]  Also, it was 30 degrees outside.  The normal nose would run and sniffle and blow and do all the other normal things noses do in these temperatures.  And mine did the same only it resulted in one of the most epic migraine/face-pain festivals of the decade.  I spent the rest of the day vomiting and sitting in a hot shower praying to entity within earshot to just make it stop.  It was exciting.

Then came Halloween.  At the last minute I decided to participate and threw together a Trophy Wife costume.  Pretentious?  Most definitely.  It is, however, easy to make and extremely cost efficient.  Simply throw on your best dress, make up a banner so no one is confused and there you have it.

Least sexy pose.  Ever. You’re welcome.

Jaden dressed as a turquoise-haired Vampiress and Fisher was just down-right creepy.  Imagine encountering this in the dark.  It was quite unnerving.  I can’t remember what the packing declared this costume to be.  Fisher labeled himself as Death.

Believe it or not they are smiling for the camera.  Jaden’s smile is obscured by her fangs and I like to image that Fisher’s smile looked like Jack from The Shining.  (Because it usually does when he’s riding a sugar high.)

We also carved pumpkins.  And by “we” I mean the kids only.  I was truly impressed by their skill and dedication to gutting these pumpkins.  They scraped out pumpkin innards like seasoned professionals.  They hardly batted an eye to being elbow deep in one of the most disgusting substances on the planet.  (Seriously, the contents of pumpkins are just nasty.)  They even carved their pumpkins without losing any of their fingers.  I’d say that’s pretty darn impressive.

My crochet projects have suffered greatly over the past two weeks.  I had grand visions of convalescing at home in mild discomfort while simultaneously cranking out a few dozen crochet projects.  That did not happen.  I now realize that I was deluded in the most extreme way.  With the holidays fast approaching I need to get my rear in gear.  Any of you hookers out there have any suggestions from some unique and creative crochet projects?  I’m all ears….and hooks.  :]

Surgery, Day One

17 Oct

My Septoplasty went well this morning. My entire head hurts more than I had expected, but at least I have some good pain meds to keep my pain under control. The downside of the pain meds is that they make my nose itch. And I most certainly can’t scratch! Oh, and my nose is bleeding like a stripped out faucet. My nose is quite the overachiever in the blood flow department. Maybe it will get a big bonus at the end of the year for its hard work. ;) I am currently surrounded by dogs, bloody tissues and a bevy of medicines and bandages. It’s like an anti-vacation over here.  The climax of which will come next week when my nasal splints get pulled out. I hope there will be fireworks for the occasion.  ;]

The Long Goodbye

8 Oct

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At the beginning of this year I had an UTI, everyone’s least favorite infection.  There’s nothing quite like the sensation of urinating fire. I quickly got on an antibiotic and a regimen of Sprite + Cranberry juice and assumed that everything would be fine.  And for a short while things were somewhat okay.  They weren’t perfect, but they weren’t as bad.  Hmm.  So for a few months I felt like I was on the verge of another UTI or that I had a mild case of it.  Finally things got bad enough that I went back into the doctor for what  I assumed was another bad UTI.  Unfortunately my urine sample came back clean.  This won me not another antibiotic, but a referral to a Urologist.

Let me just pause here and state that no woman wants to be subjected to any other doctor that has to poke about her nether-regions.  The annual pap smear by the Gynecologist is bad enough.  Do I really want to have to get prodded twice in one year?  That’s a negative.  (And besides, I don’t even thing Urologists tape pictures of beach scenes to the ceiling for you to look at while your lady parts are being invaded.   Sheesh.)

With dread I went to my appointment and got a thorough check-up from the Urologist which was even more unpleasant than a pap smear.  As if that is even possible.  We chatted about all the things you never want to discuss with someone other than your spouse and I even gave them a free urine sample.  (Because I’m that nice of a person.)  My Urologist diagnosed me with Interstitial Cystitis and scheduled me for a Cystoscopy to gauge the severity of my IC.

I returned a week later for the Cystoscopy with more than a moderate amount of apprehension.  I was told that only a local anesthetic was needed and that I shouldn’t worry.  Oh, that was such a lie.  That is quite possible the biggest lie ever told.  If ever you have to undergo a Cystoscopy and your doctor says that only a local anesthetic is needed, run.  Run as fast and as far away as you can.  For the love of all things, run.  I honestly would rate the pain of that procedure as worse than childbirth.  At least with childbirth you have the option of an Epidural.  With this procedure, all I had was some weak numbing gel that only “numbed” the opening of my urethra.  What about the rest of your urethra?  What about your bladder?  If you’ve been diagnosed with a painful bladder disorder, do you really want a metal tube shoved any near your unmentionables?  I think not.  Even after a rescue installation of a numbing solution into my bladder and a few injections in my backside, I was still sobbing with pain.  It was absolutely the worst experience.  It was only afterward that I learned a lot of Urologist will only perform a Cystoscopy under General Anesthesia because of the severe pain caused by the procedure.  Just my luck.

I left that day in tears with a list of prescriptions and a list of forbidden foods and drinks.  Oh my.

It’s been six months since that awful appointment and I have just now realized that I can no longer ignore my diagnosis in hopes that it will go away.  After a weekend full of coffee, hot tea, tomato-based stew & pizza, my bladder is just about ready to give up and run away.  Last night was a long, terrible night.  It was one of my worst IC flares in a while and I am still not feeling 100% today.  Thus today will be my last day of enjoying all of my forbidden goodies.  Goodbye coffee,  Goodbye, soda.  Goodbye, chocolate and tomatoes and all the other wonderful things in life that are full of flavor.

Do you or someone you know suffer from IC?  If so, I’d love to hear your story!  Especially any tips for overcoming the craving for coffee and chocolate and all the other lovely things we’re not supposed to have.  ;]

My nose knows

5 Oct

At the beginning of the year I had a chronic sinus infection that lasted for over 3 months.  I had six different antibiotics and narrowly avoided “drastic measures” to make it go away.

Since then I’ve had surgery, my husband had his gallbladder remove and my son just had his tonsils out.  As far as surgery is concerned, we have been there, done that and have an entire closet of T-Shirts to prove it.  (Actually, it’s less of a closet of T-Shirts and more of a draw full of non-skid, one-size-fits-none non-skid socks.)

Thus I was less than pleased this week to be told by my doctor that I once again had a chronic sinus infection.  It’s been with me since July and though we’ve had some good times in the doctor’s office together, I’m ready for the relationship to end.  What can I say, it’s just not working out.  It’s not you, it’s me.

To solidify my doctor’s diagnosis, I was sent for a CT Scan of my sinuses.  I was disappointed to find out that I wouldn’t get a copy of the scan.  How awesome would that be hanging over the fireplace?  Maybe framed by some art by the kids?  Classy.  It turned out that my chronic sinus infection was beginning to wane but I did, in fact, have a very messed up nose.  “Where you in some horrible accident as a child?”  “Have you ever wrestled a bear?”  “What exactly did you do to your nose?”  Me?  I have no clue.  As far as I know, this is the same nose I was born with.  What can I say, my nose is a free spirit.

Apparently my nose sports a severely deviated septum which itself sports several nasal bone spurs.  Sa-weet!  When it comes to my nose, if it’s going to go, it’s going to go ALL the way.  My funked-up nose has won me a one-way, no expenses paid ticket to a Septoplasty on October 17th.

Have you ever Googled a Septoplasty?  Oh, it’s horrible.  Not only will the surgeon “fix” my septum, he’s going to do some lipo on my turbinates as well.  Dude…a nose job and lip!  All I need now are some new boobs!  (Seriously, who knew you could liposuction your turbinates?  Who knew what turbinates where without having to do a Google search?)

Oh the places I’ll go!  Actually, it should be “oh , all the places I won’t go!” because my nose will be seriously messed up and I’ll have splints in for 9 days.  That’s right.  A swollen, bloody nose with two straws stuck inside.  Nice.  Sexy.  How will I keep my husband off of me?

Stay tuned for more nose-tastic news!

Conspiracy

20 Sep

The universe has conspired against me today to turn me into one sexy mofo.  That’s right.  My aversion to laundry over the past two weeks has led to an almost bare closet.  The only things hanging in there right now are dresses.  These are the ones that are a tad bit too short but still occasionally see the light of day when I’m feeling frisky.  (Or when I have a complete lack of options.)

My underwear draw isn’t looking much better.  It currently consists of socks featuring an array of barn animals and the sexy underwear your are always left with when you haven’t washed clothes in a while.

Lastly, I cannot for the life of me find my dress flats.  These shoes are my favorite work shoes because they are simultaneously dressy and comfortable.  And as everyone well knows, these are hard shoes to find.  This morning my favorites seem to have been kidnapped by dust bunnies because they were no where to be found.  Thus I was left with the only other pair of shoes that look decent with said short dress: heels.  Oh, these babies are gorgeous but almost impossible for me to walk in.  Whenever worn, I try my best to strike a daring pose as often as possible and only actually walk when absolutely necessary.  Because once I try to walk in these things, it becomes apparent that I haven’t had much practice.

Actually, I’ve had a lot of practice.  I like to think of myself as “unteachable” in this area.  Like those people who sink in water instead of floating.  Swimming is out of the question for them and wearing heels is generally out of the question for me.

So, today I am going to be damned sexy if not slightly clumsy.

You’re welcome.

Hair…cut!

17 Jan

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Hair?  Cut!

Somehow a “trim” always turns into a “cut” for me.  However, I must say that short hair is so liberating. My short hair will kick your hair’s arse!