Archive | February, 2011

Captain Kirk is climbing the mountain…

28 Feb
As promised this weekend Jordan and I took the kids rock hunting.  Jaden’s rock collection was in serious need of some new additions.  And since I didn’t want to spend my weekend pilfering through the play ground for rocks that might be petrified poop, I decided we should turn our hunt into a road trip.  After researching several State Parks in Oklahoma, we settled on Mount Scott.  Mount Scott is located inside the Wichita Mountains Wildlife Refuge just outside Lawton, OK. 
  
After driving for almost an hour and a half, and after looking at nothing by flat land and tumble weeds (and numerous toll plazas), we rounded a bend in the road and we suddenly confronted with the silhouette of mountains on the horizon.  It was absolutely breath-taking.  After living in Oklahoma for seven months now, I never dreamed that the landscape could change so drastically just two hours from home.  As if someone turned on the “lets get excited” sign, the kids went from bored to tears to jumping with glee in the backseat upon laying eyes on our destination.  But we still had to find our way to the top…and that was an interesting trip. 
 
As we neared Mount Scott we came across a lake that set at the foot of the Wichita Mountains.  It was a beautiful lake, one that you would imagine to be surrounded by beautiful homes and beautiful people.  Not so much.  Oh, there were a few nice homes…that were sprinkled in amongst the trialers, RV’s, tents and house boats.  Somewhere we took a wrong turn and ended up in the heart of a hippie commune…at least, that’s what it looked like to me.  I kept waiting to get bum rushed by hill billies.  Or worse, getting invited to take a joy ride on one of the hundreds of golf carts that were zipping about a nearby camp ground.  It was as if the twilight zone existed in a small pocket near the mountain.  Odd is the least of the colorful descriptions I can think of for such a community.
 
Eventually we re-entered the real world and made our way onto the Wildlife Refuge, which was dotted with Buffalo and Longhorns.  The kids adored them and I just hoped that none of them would wander over for a visit.  [wink]  After winding through the refuge we made our way to the top of Mount Scott.  The rest of the day was spent hiking and climbing and soaking up the scenery.  I have to say that Mount Scott is now one of my favorite places.  I can’t wait to go back:

The landscape suddenly transforms from flat to mountainous.

The amazing view from the top.

A quick stop on the way to the top.

Standing on the top of Mount Scott

Eighty degrees and windy.

Mountain goats, unite!

Aaaggghh! Give me your hand!

Just go on without me!

All we need now are explorer hats.

I could soak of the view all day.

Free range Buffalo anyone? No? How about the Longhorns in the next field?

This boulder would be perfect for human sacrifices!

Collect Yo-Self

25 Feb

Jaden has been practically dying to collect something….anything.  (That’s right, when she thinks of collecting, her blood pressure sky rockets…it’s a sad situation.)  [wink]  At first she tried collecting trash, but I shot that down.  You’ve got to have some sort of lessons before driving a dump truck and I just don’t have the time to teach her.  After a few more very un-collectable ideas, she settled on rocks.  That’s a good, healthy item to collect.  I collected rubber balls and rocks as a child.  (…and maybe a few squirrel tails.  Hey, they were just laying there in the grass, what did you expect me to do?!) 

The problem is that she doesn’t really understand the art of collecting.  If you’re going to collect rocks, collect the good ones, the unique ones and the ones that dogs haven’t pee’d on.  No, she wants to collect EV-ER-Y rock that she comes across.  She has become a miser of rocks.  She sits in the backyard counting her collection while simultaneously looking for more.  I am waiting for her to slip up and refer to her collection as “my precious.” 

“Can I collect those rocks over there?” 

“No…that’s part of the train track, I’m sure they might miss those if you took them.” 

“Well, what about these rocks?

“Uh…those are boulders.  I don’t think you’re going to be able to put them in your pocket.”

I’m trying to get her to understand that what makes a collection a good one is that every  component has a special meaning to you.  If you collect a hundred random rocks, it just going to be a pile of rocks.  But, if you collect unique looking rocks or rocks that aren’t just blobs of asphalt then your collection will be something really meaningful to you.  Take my childhood collection.  I bonded with those rocks.  Geodes, quartz, pyrite…they all had their own names and outfits.  We’d vacation together and catch late movies on the weekends. One cup, two straws.  It was magical.  Those rocks rocked, man.  (Well, I was a little special as a child.  [ahem]) 

So now this weekend I have promised her that we would go somewhere looking for rocks.  Because the bucket of questionable rock-like “things” in the backyard just isn’t doing it for her.  (Alright, all together now: [siiiiigh])  It should prove to be an interesting outing.  It seems like some poison ivy should work its way in there somehow.  Hmm…

…and I don’t even want to imagine what Fisher will decided to start collecting.  Besides used straws from Sonic, which he already has enough of. 

One insured fa-mi-ly

24 Feb

Health Insurance!  Why, Raine…whatever possessed you to shout out such a phrase?  Well, you see…I’m actually in the possession of some health insurance, along with my husband and children.  We are one insured fa-mi-ly.  That is until we actually need to use said insurance.  Then it lets me down.  Kind of like a store brand maxi.  (Too much?  It’s true, though.) 

Jaden got the flu a few weeks ago during THE blizzard and mysteriously insurance did not cover her Tamiflu.  Herm.  Well, maybe it’s because she’s a minor and it was a liquid.  Then Jordan got the flu.  Still no dice.  Then I got the trifecta of illness and even my measly Z-Pack wasn’t covered.  What’s up, insurance?  Why do you have to be so cruel?  Haven’t I always been good to you?  What about that weekend in Aspen?  It was special! 

(…and do you even know the market price for Tamiflu?  Let’s just say that my wallet is on witness protection after the beating it received this month.)

Now I’m needing to get a refill on my regulars…namely my birth control.  And do you think my insurance wants to cover it?  Negatory.  And lo, it came to pass that I am currently taking one of the most expensive birth control medications on the market.  It would almost be comical…if it weren’t for the pain being inflicted on my bank account.  Turns out that my insurance decided to change all of us to “ineligible status.”  Because it likes to watch people squirm.  Not a clue why…just, [flick]…there, see how you like THAT.  (And I must say I don’t like it one bit.) 

So now I’ve waited semi-patiently all week for this mess to get sorted out.  Whatever will I do?  I cannot comfort myself in the arms of my husband…we all know where that would lead and I’m still waiting on my goods.  “Tis a cruel irony! 

These lips could blaze a trail

23 Feb

(Ah…what’s a blog without the occasional self-portrait with a workplace background?)

I may just have to start documenting all of mine and Jordan’s conversations.  We think deeeep. 

Me: [blazing a trail across the office to Jordan’s desk with the brightest lips on the block] “I just don’t think I could ever be a hooker.”

Jordan: [looking at me with quizzical eyebrows]

Me: “It’s the lipstick.  I just don’t think I can pull off hooker lipstick.”  […because that’s the biggest problem with being a hooker.]

Jordan: “I actually kind of like it.”

Me: [gushing at such a compliment] “Really?!”  [wink]  I just keep waiting for my lips to detach themselves and start inching across my face.  [using my finger to demonstrate an inch worm crawling across my face]

…and then I smacked his rear just for the hell of it.  Because that’s what hookers do, right?

Genitalia!

22 Feb

 I may make mention of male genitalia more than once.  So, if that’s not something you want to hear about, you might want to check back tomorrow.  You’re welcome. 

You’ve got to love the conversations that Jordan and I have:

 Me: [Upon checking the office e-mail]: ” Darnit.  No male enhancement spam-mail?  How ever will I enlarge my member? “

Jordan: “You know, if that stuff really worked, then you wouldn’t get those e-mails.”

Me: “True…word of mouth advertisement would be all you needed.”

Jordan: “Then everyone would be walking around with foot-long-penises.” 

Me: [gag] “Ick.  Can you imagine?  A foot long at resting…what would it be when it was at full attention?!”

Jordan: “That would be terribly uncomfortable.  And creepy.”

Me: “Oh yeah.  I wouldn’t want to see that.  And what would you do with it?!  I mean, you couldn’t wear briefs.  You’d have to wear boxers.  And then it would be all glued to the side of your leg.  [bleg]  Ooo, sweaty.”

Jordan: [nodding in agreement.]  “Yep.”

Seriously, folks.  You should all move to Oklahoma to be with us.  We’re some happening people.  [wink]

What is it that they say about irony?

21 Feb

Last week I “may” have bragged about my immune system.  “Allegedly” I called it superior.  [ahem]  You see Jaden & Jordan both had come down with the flu in the span of two weeks and I had escaped unscathed.  I felt as though bragging was the natural thing to do.  And what did Bragfest 2011 get me?  Well, besides a copious amount of beads….  Pharyngitis, Bronchitis and an Upper Respiratory Infection.  I’m pretty sure that I’ve cornered the market on diseases ended in ‘Itis.  Those sound like the worst possible prizes to be offered on a TV game show.

“And behind Door Number 3….coud it be?!…It is!…Pharyngitis!  Wow, what a tough decision, folks!”

I definitely do not recommend the Bronchitis prize, since it feels as though an angry badger did the Mambo on my chest.  And we all know how angry badgers can be…

Thus, in light of my punishment from the cosmos, I am going to retire for the day and watch some disaster movies.  Last night I squeezed in a viewing Apollo 13 AND Hellboy.  Because I have excellent taste when it comes to creating the perfect movie line-up.  [wink]

[cough/ouch]

Bathrooms are scary

19 Feb

I often times wonder what the kids do in the bathroom, besides….well, the usual.  Somehow I don’t think that what they are doing in there is good.  Whatever it may be, it always emits creepy, clinking sounds…and splashy noises.  I’m a bit frightened.

Alright…back to your regular Saturday.  :]