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Oh, so it’s a *girl* house

9 Oct

 

My husband has an enormous uvula.  *eyebrow bounce*

This morning Jordan woke up with a sore throat.  After a few minutes of talking to me, he paused with this “deer in the headlights” look on his face.

My uvula feels swollen.  *pause*  It feels weird!

Of course I can’t hear the word “uvula” without thinking of that scene in Monster House where the children discover that the house is actually alive.  The carpet running up the stairs is its tongue and the chandelier is it’s uvula.  Without missing a beat, one the children exclaims:

Oh, so it’s a *girl* house.

Totally inappropriate for children, but thankfully mine aren’t old enough to catch the adult humor.  It makes me giggle every time.

All humor aside, Jordan’s uvula is actually enormous.  When he opens his mouth it lies on his tongue like a dog relaxing by a fire.  Apparently this can be caused by snoring.  (Ah-ha! ) So I was justified for poking him so much in the night.  The man snored for what seemed like an eternity last night.  He gets irritable with my when I try to poke him awake in an attempt to stop his snoring.  Funny enough, the one time that I cannon-balled the bed with my body, he didn’t wake up at all.  Hmm…

A quick Google search suggest chewing 2-3 cloves of garlic to alleviate the swelling.  Thanks, Google.  You’re ever so helpful.

Knocking on 30

25 Apr

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It’s Jordan’s birthday today.  To celebrate, I made him a monster cake.  :]

Happy Birthday, love.

Pixel me this, Batman

24 Jan

Hrm…whatever could it be?

Jordan has spent the last five days in Dallas attending the ALA winter conference, or for those of you who aren’t in the know: American Library Association.  Seriously, it’s the most happening event to occur in the last week…in Texas…*ahem*

A conference brimming with librarians and what I assumed would be the world’s largest “Quite Please” sign did not sound like something I couldn’t live without seeing.  Jordan invited me down over the weekend, however a 3+ hour car trip with the kids  just to rub elbows with tweed-clad women didn’t tempt me away from the mountain of laundry awaiting me at home.

Oh, I should have gone.  What was I thinking?  Do you know what librarians do?  They work with books.  Books, I know, right?!  And do you know where they get these books from?  Publishers.  Bingo!  The ALA was crawling with Publishers hawking upcoming releases from some very fabulous authors.  Advanced copies as far as the eye could see, free for the taking!  (Oh, I think I need a moment alone.)  And I missed out.  *le sigh*  Thankfully Jordan snagged quite the load of newbie books and unloaded them in our living room last night.  Kids books, graphic novels, fiction, short-stories, etc…  It.  Was.  Glorious.

Best of all, my mother-in-law scored an advanced copy of the newest book from one of my favorite authors for me.  I feel sneaky having it, almost as if I am operating under the radar… or above the law!  (Catch me if you can, Steven Segal.)  I plan on hunkering down at lunch with it just to whisper sweet nothings into its binding.

I hate to brag, but I am pretty sure that I am the coolest person in my office right now.  (Never mind that there are only four of us.)

Anyhoo, if you are ever invited to hob-nob with some librarians, do it!  You’ll thank me.

Return from library land

23 Jan
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Say whaa?

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Flippity flip, fool!

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“The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby”

(The 8-megapixel camera on my new smartphone is not impressing me.  What’s up, smart phone?  No flash?  Fine…adjust your ISO, for Pete’s sake.  You know how easily upset Pete can get.)

Jordan has been out of town for five days at a library conference and has just returned home with a truck load of new books.  Books are our crack.  We love books at our house.  We would shuffle them across boarders in stolen truck tires if it were required…and if it wouldn’t bend the pages.

We have read aloud to each other for an hour now and there is no sign of us stopping any time soon.  Jordan has already graced us with a story about Chinese fox-vampires and Jaden is just now starting in on “The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby.”  If you can’t guess, this book is seeping at the seams with bathroom humor which is the most sought-after brand of humor in our house these days.

I personally love the look on Fisher’s face in the first photo the best.  He is the master of emotional conveyance and would have a bright future in miming if only it where a profitable profession.

Turn and cough

16 Feb

Ah...snow bathing.

So….Jordan is sick.  Well, he’s not Grade A, USDA Choice sick, but he’s at least sick enough to feel like the stereotypical death-warmed-over.  He’s been running a low-grade fever for two days now which is not like him.  And I quote, “…I’ve only had a fever twice during my adult life.”  Well, well…just brag about my dearest.  After alternating between the chills and being hot, he’s decided that fevers are ridiculous and that he doesn’t like them one bit.  Well, I think we can all agree on that point. 

Hopefully he’ll get well soon…because he scared me half to death this morning.  I was humming away over a pot of veggies and beef….and burgundy…[slurp]…getting supper ready to go into the crock pot.  Eight o’clock came and passed.  Then 8:15.  By 8:30 the hubs had still not emerged from our bedroom and I was starting to get worried.  What if he’d died in his sleep?  [gasp]  What if I’d slept beside his dead body all night?!  And what should I do now?  I’m almost done getting this meal into the crock pot.  Should I drop what I’m doing and go feel for a pulse or should I finish things up in the kitchen first?  If I finish things in the kitchen and he is dead, then at least I won’t have to mess with fixing supper later.  I mean, there’s nothing I can do to bring him back and I’ll be too grief stricken to feed the children later…  (That is probably the worst internal monologue that I’ve ever had….)  I am a terrible person.

In my defense I knew that the odds of him dying in his sleep from a cold were close to .001%, so I didn’t feel too bad about pausing for a few seconds to consider my course of action.  And, as I”m sure you can guess, it turns out that he wasn’t dead.  He was in the shower.  Eh-heh…oops.  Well.  Good.  [wink]

…and you don’t even want to know what I was thinking when he was late to work this morning.  The fog was thick on the roads….hmm….  ;]

Boys will be boys

7 Jun

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We had high hopes this weekend for playing in the yard with the kids.  After lounging around for most of the morning, we made our way toward Wal-Mart to pick up some outdoor toys.  (We’re lacking in that department and I’ve put if off since I absolutely loathe Wal-Mart.)  Of course, as soon as the toys were purchased, the skies opened up and it proceeded to rain for the entire weekend.  (And I am not letting the kids play golf in the house…I know, I’m such a stick in the mud.) 

So, to compensate, we took the kids to Dairy Queen for some ice cream.  As you can tell by the picture above, we had a fantastic time.  Jaden and I ate our ice cream in silence while the boys had fun with theirs.  And by fun I mean eating ice cream like a T-Rex.  How much more fun could you ask for?  :)

Toilet Snakes…They’re Real

25 May

By Johan Olander

 

At least once a week Jordan takes the kids to the library.  The kids spend the majority of their time there deciding which books to check out and not read.  What?  You’re supposed to read them once you check them out?  I thought you were just supposed to decorate with them.  Hmm.  Once they’ve wound their way through the children’s section, they head over to the adult book section.  

I hate referring to things as “adult” and “children.”  Id I refer to something as the “children’s” section, then it’s okay.  However, label something as the “adult” section and free edible underwear is surely being passed out.  

Anyhoo…Jordan never stays in his prefered section for long.  The kids poke each other, ask why the sky is blue and drag Jordan to the bathroom a half-dozen times.  It’s not as relaxing as one would think. 

Fast forward to yesterday’s trip to the library:  Jaden ended up picking out a pretty cool book.  One so interesting that I actually think she’s going to read this one.  The book is “A Field Guide to Monsters” by Johan Olander.  The art is fantastic and the content is pure entertainment for the imagination.  Thankfully Jaden and Fisher aren’t the type of children who are afraid of their own shadow, unlike their mother.  

I leafed through the book last night as I was preparing supper, wanting to see how extensive the book was.  Very extensive is the answer.  So extensive in fact, that it cover the dreaded “Toilet Snake.”  Come on, everyone has been afraid of this one at least once in their life.  What could be more horrifying than sitting down to do your business and having a snake bite you in the arse?  Nothing, that’s what.  Want to know what it looks like?  It is the featured monster on the front of the book.  Long and scaly with mouth ringed in teeth.  Exactly as we all knew it would look like. 

Scared?  You shouldn’t be.  Thankfully the book also informs the reader on how to avoid such nasty beasties.  So, you can either start using an outhouse, or you can appeal to its good nature with its favorite food…though I’m not sure I want to know what a toilet snake eats.