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Super Cao Nguyen

7 Apr

Like I mentioned earlier in the week, I visited a local Asian food market Monday night.  It’s called Super Cao Nguyen and it is now officially my favorite store this side of Saturn.  What isn’t to love about a plethora of Jelly Fish next to the produce?  Exactly.  Thus, I thought I’d share with you the nuggets of awesomeness I took home with me:

Of course I bought some black tea and green tea.  I’m sure that it’s a rule that you can’t go to an Asian market without buying tea leaves.  Am I right or am I right?  I’m totally right.  Next I got some Boba and Boba Straws because there’s no way you can suck those pearls through a regular straw.  (FYI:  Boba = Tapioca Pearls)  Boba is my current obsession.  I gots to have my boba.  Jordan picked up a box of Pocky which is pretty much cookies in stick form that have been dipped in chocolate or strawberry flavored chocolate.  The kids are in love with these.  Jordan also picked up some dried banana chips which are thinner and crisper than the ones you can find at your average American market. 

Then came the unfamiliar.  Sesame cookies?  Good and not as sweet as you’d think.  Tamarind candy?  Just plain weird.  It’s one of those things that you keep eating in hopes that you’ll figure out what the heck it is and that maybe, just maybe it will start to taste normal near the end.  It never does, though.  I wouldn’t say that it was bad.  It was definitely different in a good way. 

Our favorite purchase?  Green tea hard candies.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  I am going back this weekend to buy a case of those green goddesses. 

Then we bought these.  Taro balls.  What are they?  Who the hell knows?  All I know is that I do like the flavor of Taro…so that’s a plus, right?  And have I had one?  Not yet, but I think I’m going to try one tonight.  Fingers are most certainly crossed.

And finally the weirdest acquisition of all.  Strawberry Snowballs.  Again, I really don’t know what these things are or even what purpose they serve.  All I do know is that they are a mixture of Red Dye #40, Glutenous Rice and Red Beans.  Yeah.  That takes “odd” to a whole new level.  The strange thing is that they’re not too bad.  They’re actually somewhat sweet instead of savory like I thought they would be.  (I know, the package clearly states that they’re strawberry flavored, but it also says that they contain red beans.  What would you expect?)  Over all they are pretty bland.  However I find myself nibbling on them again and again just because they have the weirdest mouth-feel of any food I’ve ever eaten.  I’m confident that this is what it would feel like to eat a jellyfish….a live jellyfish. 

So, what will I be doing this weekend?  Making a return trip to Super Cao Nguyen, of course.  I am hooked.  :]

The saddest spam mail

30 Mar

   Today I received what is quite possibly the most pathetic yet hilarious spam e-mail in the history of spam.  The subject line was: Alone

I am British Gay. I stay alone. Call or write message to me, please +447737102341. I want to find my love:-(.

To my dear, British Gay anonymous friend, I hope you find love.  [wink]

My eyebrows are stylin’!

24 Mar

Do I know Photoshop? Negative.

Sometimes in the mornings I like to sit at the computer and pretend that I know my way around Photoshop.  My husband could navigate it with his eyes closed and is talented enough to turn out some amazing work.  Mwa?  Well, let’s just say that I know how to resize a photo.  I know, right?  Pretty impressive.  I’ve got skills.

Speaking of morning, I was not running on all eight cylinders when I got up today.  I felt more like a four-cylinder Geo Metro than a some other more powerful car.  (As if I know any good car references.)  My lack of attention to detail became quite apparent as I went to moisturize this morning.  Body lotion on body?  Check.  Hair styling paste on face?  Double check.  (And here’s a hint, that stuff is meant for your hair, not your face.)  You won’t believe what it will do for your eyebrows.  [wink]  What it won’t do is moisturize.  Nice one, Raine.  You’re definitely my hero.

This reminded me of the time I wash my hair with dog shampoo out of sheer desperation.  What?  I forgot to buy more.  It’s  not as if the dogs were going to protest.  (And I must say my hair smelled super fruity all day.)

So, what are some of your most memorable morning goof ups?  (Did I mention I once shut my ear in a door?  No?  How about turning a back flip in the shower?  Gosh…you’re missing out!)

To round off this disjointed post, check out some super awesome Japanese cuteness: Mameshiba

The kids absolutely love these videos as do I.  Fisher even acquired the Mameshiba Mocha Bean plush toy over the weekend.  He’s calling it Mockla since Mocha is apparently too difficult to pronounce.  (FYI: Mockla is Fisher’s name for almost every toy he owns.)

Genitalia!

22 Feb

 I may make mention of male genitalia more than once.  So, if that’s not something you want to hear about, you might want to check back tomorrow.  You’re welcome. 

You’ve got to love the conversations that Jordan and I have:

 Me: [Upon checking the office e-mail]: ” Darnit.  No male enhancement spam-mail?  How ever will I enlarge my member? “

Jordan: “You know, if that stuff really worked, then you wouldn’t get those e-mails.”

Me: “True…word of mouth advertisement would be all you needed.”

Jordan: “Then everyone would be walking around with foot-long-penises.” 

Me: [gag] “Ick.  Can you imagine?  A foot long at resting…what would it be when it was at full attention?!”

Jordan: “That would be terribly uncomfortable.  And creepy.”

Me: “Oh yeah.  I wouldn’t want to see that.  And what would you do with it?!  I mean, you couldn’t wear briefs.  You’d have to wear boxers.  And then it would be all glued to the side of your leg.  [bleg]  Ooo, sweaty.”

Jordan: [nodding in agreement.]  “Yep.”

Seriously, folks.  You should all move to Oklahoma to be with us.  We’re some happening people.  [wink]

Skunk Boots

21 Jan

I sometimes think that the kid in me has failed to realized that I’m not a kid anymore.  For example, yesterday while playing in the snow with the kids, my inner-child marveled at my boots and how very much they looked like skunks.  Ridiculous, I know, but goshdarnit they do hold a resemblance if you look at them in a certain way.  (I think that certain way is with your head tilted to the side while eating a Gerkin.  That should make it clear.) 

Sadly, I left my skunk boots at home today.  There wasn’t enough snow left on the ground to warrant their wearing, plus I am fresh out of black socks.  (A tragedy, as I am sure you will agree.)  I did have some brown cat socks, which means that I am wearing some brown clogs today instead.  Funny….they look very similar to hedgehogs.  [wink]

Whaz.

19 Jan

It is quickly becoming apparent that Jaden is entering the phase of childhood where she becomes cooler than me.  Or, as she would say, more cooler.  Hooray, grammar!  However, I cannot be sure if she’s entered this phase yet or not. 

Last night she was talking on the phone to her dad and was telling him about Gulliver’s Travels.  (The Jack Black, moving picture version.)  Thankfully Jordan’s parents took the kids to see this movie, saving Jordan and myself from the horrors of such a film.  (The thought of seeing that movie is almost as bad as even considering seeing Beverly Hills Chihuahua.)   But I digress…

During the movie Jack Black/Gulliver is faced with a fire and no means of putting it out.  Well, thank goodness for male genitalia!  Gulliver turns around, whips it out and urinates the fire to death.  However, Jaden’s description of this scene was worded differently:

 Jaden: “…and then, and then he took a whaz on the fire and put it out!”

 Her Dad: “…*long, awkward pause*…”

 Me: “ [startled gasp] …you mean he tinkled on it?”

 Jaden: “…yeah!  That!”

 (As if “tinkle” is a more appropriate way of referring to urinating.  The poor kid won’t know how to refer to bathroom habits by the time she hits high school.) 

 Now, please explain to me the word “whaz.”  I assume it has an “H” in it.  I think it looks more interesting that way, so there you go.  Is this a new term or has Jaden simply mis-pronounced “whiz”?

At first I must admit the word sounds a bit crass, but the more I think about it, the more I like it.  “Excuse me, ladies.  This tea with crumpets is superb, but I must go take a whaz.  You know how it is.”

I don’t know.  I’m going to try it out today and let you know how it goes. 

Whaz.  I bet it’s on the S.A.T.  [wink] 

Oh, Ricky.

17 Jan

I am normally not one to sit down and watch the Golden Globes, or any other awards show for that matter.  I somewhat pride myself in not being one of those celebrity crazed individuals that live and breathe celebrity news.  I honestly couldn’t care less about who is having whose baby and other nonsense.  However, I did tune into the Golden Globes this weekend due to the fact that Ricky Gervais was hosting the show again.  Oh, he did not disappoint.  His witty commentary and quick quips took a usually stuffy affair and transformed it into entertainment…as it should be.

Listening to celebrities rattle off lists of accomplishments and ego-inflating tales of amazement induce my gag reflex quicker than canned tuna that has been packed in oil.  (Which is really saying something because oily tuna is quite possibly the most vile substance in existence.)  Yes, we know that you’re wonderful.  And rich.  And ridiculously gorgeous…thanks to plastic surgery.  (Did you see Sandra Bullock’s face?  You should have…it didn’t move an inch the entire time that she was on stage.)

But…if you lightening things up with a few pointed jokes, then I’m all aboard.  Was Ricky Gervais mean-spirited?  No.  Did his jokes hit home?  Yes, and that is what made them great.  Of course Robert Downy Jr. knows that he’s had trouble in the past.  It’s not news to him.  I say it’s better to poke fun at your past failures than to be ashamed of them.  Look.  There.  Something that I have conquered.  Something that I have overcome.  I can imagine that he’s made light of  himself a few times if not more.  No one seemed to be appalled by Ricky’s comments on the Hef.  (Priceless, by the way.)  Why?  Because everyone knows that he’s a dirty old man.  The Hef even knows that he’s a dirty old man.

I won’t continue on my tirade, however I will say one more thing.  It’s obvious that Ricky Gervais is good for ratings or they wouldn’t have invited him back this year to host.  And I find it hard to believe that his commentary/intro’s were not pre-screened by someone.  The organizers of the Golden Globes know full and well who Ricky Gervais is and what kind of person he is.  They also know full and well what type of comedy he provides.  Apparently the powers that be did not find his words too offensive or else they wouldn’t have let him host.

I just hope that he’ll be back next year.  It’s been a long time that I’ve laughed that hard.  Kudos, Ricky!