Archive | September, 2010

Misadventures at the OB/GYN

30 Sep

I went to an appointment with my new OB/GYN yesterday and let me tell you, it was just swell.  For reals.  The office staff were superb and the doctor herself was down-right awesome.  I couldn’t have been more pleased with the experience.

Well, I take that back.  There is one thing I’d change.  The hospital gowns.  What has happened to the traditional hospital gown that we have all come to love and adore?  Gone are the days of two, barely attached strings and a gaping hole for your backside to peek out of.  Now there are “DIY” gowns that open to the front.

Ladies, you know the drill.  You get your vitals read and then you slip behind a curtain in an area barely large enough to hide behind and slip into your hospital issued gown.  Well, the gown I found was a horse of a different color.  It was practically a bed sheet with snap closures all over it.   I being of the mid-20 age range felt confident that I could figure this thing out.  I was wrong.  After standing behind the curtain in my birthday suit for ten minutes, I finally came to the conclusion that I did NOT know how to assemble this gown.  Humiliating.  As if the OB/GYN isn’t humiliating enough already, now I couldn’t even figure out the gown.  *sigh*

Then came the mental debate over how much clothes I should put back on to go and ask for help.  I decided I’d put them all back on.  I didn’t want to be THAT woman.  The one that streaks around the Gyno’s office.  Thankfully a nurse came to my rescue and put my gown together for me.  Ahhh.  The snaps are there to create the sleeves.  Right.  Hopefully I’ll remember that next year when I’m here again.

After the gown debacle my visit proceeded smoothly.  My new doctor was awesome and I found myself wondering where she’d been all my life.  Unfortunately my home town had nothing but crotchety old men for Gynecologists.

And the best part of the visit?  Free suckers at the check out window.  For reals.  That is the best idea ever.  Besides children getting shots, I cannot think of a more deserving group of patients than women at the OB/GYN office when it comes to free suckers.

I got strawberry and it was delicious.

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Public park! (Because you’ve got to love the public)

28 Sep

This past weekend we got to experience the first wisps of fall as the temperatures outside cooled down.  I have to admit, I wasn’t thrilled about the tornado aspect of living in Oklahoma, but I’ll take their early fall weather of SWGA’s any day.  Sunday was crisp and cool with a strong wind blowing.  That meant long sleeves!  (Well, for some of us.  Jordan doesn’t put on long sleeves unless there’s snow on the ground.)  Fisher has tried to wear long sleeves since July, so he was tickled pink when I finally gave in and let him wear them.

We celebrated the change in weather by taking the kids to the park.  There’s an awesome park not too far from the OU stadium that the kids absolutely love.  They played for a bit on the playground, but they really only had eyes for the swings.  Jaden is awesome on the swing set.  She flies high and strong.  Fisher….not so much.  He hasn’t quite figured out the mechanics of forward momentum.  Thus, he did a lot of dangling instead.

Once Jaden saw that the camera was out, she hopped down for a quick photo shoot.  She loves a good photo opportunity and I must say that the wind made for an excellent picture.

After almost an hour of pleading, I finally gave in and let them play on the toddler playground.  I know, it’s shameful.  They’re about six inches too tall for this area, but they’re not quite ready to accept that fact.  Unfortunately for them we didn’t stay there long.  Once owner’s started parading their German Shepherds up and down the slide and clinging teenagers began groping each other by the swings, we made a swift exit.  Ah…the joys of the public park.

On the way to the car the kids tried to find every possible way to stall.  Even the promise of a slush from Sonic could not spur them on.  Fisher decided that climbing on the fence surrounding the park would surely buy him a few minutes.  Normally I’d put a quick end to his procrastinations, but I decided that since Jaden had joined him, I’d let them play for just a few more minutes.  Look at them and savor the moment.  I hope this last at least for a few more years.  Jaden’s only five years away from the dreaded teenage years.  (Eek!)

That’s your REAL name?!

27 Sep

I thought that by escaping Property Management and money collection in general, that I was free from insulting phone calls.  Oh, I was wrong.  I woman called last week to place an order after she had trouble “figuring out the internet.”  It’s a complicated concept.  *ahem*  All was going well until the end of the phone call.

“Sweetie…what’s your name?

“My name is Raine…like the weather.”

“RAINE?!  That’s your name?!  That’s your REAL name?!”

“Yes..it’s really my name.”

“What mother gives their child such a name?!  Is it your first name?!”

“No, it’s my middle name.  I go by my middle name.”

“Well, thank goodness for THAT!  RAINE!  I’ve never heard of such a name.”  *disgusted sight*

*nervous laugh*  “Yes…well…uh…”

Unfortunately, you’re not allowed to call a customer a Bitch to her face.  Such a shame.  I would have called her such a name in the most endearing way I knew how.  Alas, I let her stomp on my name and hang up with the satisfaction that she’d crushed my self-image.  Because I’m nice that way.  Now, that’s customer service.  ;)

I see the moon…

24 Sep

I see the moon and the moon sees me.

Yesterday was my Dad’s birthday.  (Well, and my Aunt’s…they’re twins.)  And since this was the first time I wouldn’t be there to celebrate with him, I called and expressed my regret over not being there.  It’s odd.  You go your entire life with the same routine when it comes to certain things.  You always celebrate your Dad’s birthday at his house, you always wish that Christmas was a tad bit cooler as you stand outside in a T-shirt, (thanks, SW GA), and you always forget to wear something green on St. Patrick’s Day.  It’s tradition.  Now I find myself missing out on all the usuals and attending someone else’s routine holidays instead. 

We talked for a bit about the weather, the kids and how by the time you get to be an adult, birthdays start to loose their sparkle.  I gloated about my gift selection for a bit, since it was a deviation from the usual button down shirt and/or tie that he’ll never wear.  (As a child, my sister and I gave my Dad ties at almost every holiday and now that I think back on it…I rarely saw him wear a tie.  Oops.) 

We wrapped up the conversation with tentative plans to see each other “soon.”  However, five minutes later, he was calling me back to ask me if I’d seen the moon lately.  My dad loves nothing more than to see a full moon low in the sky and a brilliant sunset in the evening.  As kids, we would sit in folding chairs in the middle of the back yard to watch just such scenes.  Of course I’d seen the moon.  It was awesome, especially here in Oklahoma with the flat, unobscured horizon.  It makes me intensely happy that he still calls me to point out a full moon or amazing sunset.  For a few minutes I feel like I’m a knobby-kneed kid again, sitting in a yard full of grass burs and pecan trees…and the occasional mosquito. 

And this morning the full moon was waiting on me.  So, this is for you Dad.  Happy Birthday. 

Mr. or Mrs.?

23 Sep

Fisher continues to confuse and amaze this week.  Poor little guy.  He get’s thing wrong about a 3rd of the time, but gosh darn it…he sticks to his guns.

His teacher was not in class yesterday, which meant that he had his first substitute teacher.  I don’t know about you, but I have never met a normal one.  If pod people existed, they would be substitute teachers.  Anywho…this was not the case for Fisher.  He loved his substitute teacher.  As soon as he got in the car yesterday he gave me a run down on his day and how nice she had been.

“She was so nice, Mommy.”  “I really liked her.”

Etc…  You get the picture.  She was a super nice and normal lady.

“So, Fisher…what was her name?

“Mr. Barnes.”

“Um…don’t you mean Mrs. Barnes?”

“No!  She was a Mister!”

*sigh*  I tried to explain to him the difference between a “Mr.” and a “Mrs.” but he just did not want to hear it.  His substitute was a woman named Mr. Barnes…end of story.

Well, at least he got the “Barnes” part right.

Water Monsters vs Michael Jackson

22 Sep

One of our new favorite things to do when it comes to wasting time is watching funny clips on YouTube with the kids.  (Well, it’s new to the kids anyway.)  Over the past few weeks they’ve watched old clips from The Muppet Show, Weird Al videos and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.  The classics.  It’s important to Jordan and I as parents that they have a well-rounded education.  *wink* (…and I have learned that I still remember all the words to “Albuquerque”…all eleven minutes of it.)

Last night, after watching Weird Al’s “Eat It,” I brought up the idea of letting the kids see the “Thriller” video.  I know what you’re thinking, it’s too scary for them.  I couldn’t disagree more.  After watching all five new seasons of “Doctor Who” I felt like the kids wouldn’t be phased by it. 

See?  On the left you’ve got an image from the “Waters of Mars” episode from Doctor Who.  Now that’s some creepy stuff.  There was no hiding from this guy.  Steel door?  No problem.  Air tight room?  You’re totally out of luck.  The kids thought that it was awesome

On the right you’ve got Michael Jackson.  Not that scary.  The eyes are a bit unsettling, but otherwise not all that intimidating.  By the time this video came out Michael was pretty darn effeminate.  Michael couldn’t even get out his first line before Jaden was commenting on how much he sounded like a girl.  Girly man

Oh…I was so wrong.

Jaden freaked out the second Michael Jackson’s ears started changing and his claws began to appear.  What the what?  I’d take creepy Michael over water monsters any day.  By the time he’d transformed completely, he looked like a giant cat.

So…note to self: stay away from ridiculous 80’s videos.  The kids just can’t handle the 80’s.  (Such a shame.)  *wink*

Kicking your cat and other crazy lyrics

21 Sep

Yes, it’s time for another installment of:  “What did he/she say?”  A favorite post of mine that chronicles the ridiculous and hilarious things the kids say.  Hmm…who should go first?  I guess since the moon is almost full, Fisher can go first.  (Mind you the phase of the moon has no bearing on how I make decisions.  I just pride myself in being random.)  ;)

So, what has Fisher been up to lately?  He’s been butchering the names of his classmates.  He started off the school year with a best friend that he calls “Carter Franker.”  Riiight.  Who would have such a name?

“Fisher, are you sure his last name isn’t ‘Franklin’?”

“Nooo!  It’s FRANKER!”

Okay.  If you say so.  *wink*

(I am going to feel like a complete idiot when I get his class’ Valentine Day Card list in February and there’s actually a kid with that name.)

Well, he and the Franker kid were only best friends for a few weeks.  Now his best friend is a boy Fisher is calling “Tage.”

“Fisher…are you sure it isn’t ‘Gage’?”  “Gage is a normal name.”

“Nooo!  It’s TAGE…with a ‘T’!”

(Nodding silently)

I can only imagine the name of his best friend by the time Thanksgiving rolls around.

Next up there’s Jaden.  She is the queen of off-handed remarks.  Crazy statements that come from nowhere are her specialty.  Just this afternoon she asked:

“Mommy?  Are the first people who ever lived still alive?”

“No, they’re dead.”

*gasp*  “Holy cow.  They’re already dead.”  (As if this revelation had some bearing on her own life-span.)

After the shock of their death wore off…she started singing along with the Queen CD I had playing in the car.  Her version of the lyrics were priceless:

“…got mud in your face…kicking your cat all over the place…we will, we will rock you!”

That’s right….she’ll not only put mud in your face, but she’ll kick your cat too.  ;)