Archive | March, 2011

The saddest spam mail

30 Mar

   Today I received what is quite possibly the most pathetic yet hilarious spam e-mail in the history of spam.  The subject line was: Alone

I am British Gay. I stay alone. Call or write message to me, please +447737102341. I want to find my love:-(.

To my dear, British Gay anonymous friend, I hope you find love.  [wink]

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The evils of Summer

30 Mar

I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid I used to love/dread the summer.  Obviously my love stemmed from three glorious months spent at home and not at school.  (Sadly my children only get to have a two month summer….wait, did I say sadly?)  The dread came from the inevitable letter that came in the mail from the school:

“Dear Sir/Ma’am,  Your child is in need of a terribly painful and mentally damaging injection before he/she can return to school this fall.  <insert maniacal laughter here>”

I am confident that those were the exact words.

The thing about it was that a letter from the school would arrive at our house and for a week I would rock myself back and forth in a corner in terrified anticipation of its dreadful tidings.  Then, lo and behold, nothing would happen.  Whew.  I was safe.  Or so I thought.  For after another week had passed, and my sister and I had surely forgotten about the arrival of a letter, we would magically appear at the local Health Department.

“Come on girls.  We’ve got to run some errands today,” my mother would say.

We would hop in the car and happily ride along in hopes that maybe we could get a small toy or candy bar while we were out.  But no.  We would soon find ourselves in a part of town that we rarely went.  Wait a moment, what ever could we need to do over here?  Is that the Health Department?  Why are we here?!  Noooo!  The unavoidable lamentations, tears and refusal to leave the car would ensue.  Once inside, a large nurse that rivaled a rhino would have to sit on top of my sister and I as we were tortured…er, given an injection.  It was not the best of times.

Fast forward to the present day.  Jaden and Fisher had to go in for a booster shot this week.  Can you imagine my dread?  After reflecting on my abdominal childhood behavior, I was less than excited to drop that bomb on them.  I could not have been more surprised by their reaction:

Me: (after picking them up from school) “Kids, the school nurse called today and let me know that it was time for you both to get a shot.  It is something that the school required for you to attend.  I know it is probably not something you’ll be excited about, but it is something that is necessary.  Etc…”

I went on to comfort them and to inform them that though it may hurt a little, it was for a good cause and that the pain would only last for a few seconds.  They took it quite well.  They complained a bit, but it was the type of complaint they might give after being told to go brush their teeth before bed.  Jaden even volunteered to go first.  Neither one of them even blinked as the shot was given and not a tear was shed afterwards.  They compared band aids and then set about to plan the many topping they would get on their frozen yogurt.  (Frozen yogurt with a ridiculous amount of toppings was decided to be their treat for having to get a shot.)

Two days later I am still in awe of them for behaving so well and for being so brave.  Let’s just hope that this will be the norm for future adventures to the Health Department.  [wink]

Corer-er-er

29 Mar

This arrival of this past weekend meant that it was time for me to bust out my baking skills once again.  Oops…skillz.  That’s better.

I made Blue Velvet cupcakes with a Blackberry Curd filling.  (Psst…yes, I know that they’re not blue.   Do you know how hard it is to tint brown batter blue?  Clue: very hard.)

They were topped off with a Blackberry Lemon Cream Cheese Icing.  That’s right, cream cheese.  It’s the food of the gods.  Mm, mm, cream cheesy goodness.  (Though I have baking skillz, I have yet to obtain icing skillz…so for now I’ll call them skills.  You can’t change it to a “Z” until you’re truly a master.)

The best part?  Cutting out holes in the cupcakes.  I searched high and low this weekend for an apple corer as the recipe suggested.  Did anyone have one?  Negative.  Oh the usual mega marts had plenty of the apple corer/slicer combo.  It’s the lazy chef’s dream.  However not a single store had a simple, old-fashioned apple corer.  Go figure.  What they did have was a cupcake corer.  Now explain that one to me.  I feel safe in saying that I’m confident more use would be had from an apple corer than a cupcake corer.  Though I can’t complain too much.  It was exactly what I needed and may now be my favorite kitchen gadget.  (Other than the vegetable peeler from Williams and Sonoma.  My goodness it is fabulous.)  And with such a handy little tool I ended up having a mountain of fresh, hot cupcake centers on which to dine.  It’s almost as good as doughnut holes.  Almost.

If this catches your fancy, you can click here to get the recipe.  (And see what color blue velvet cupcakes should be. )  [wink]

Spring and all that comes with it

25 Mar

Oklahoma Summer Storm 2010

This week marks the first week of spring.  Flowers are blooming, people are admiring said flowers and bees are terrorizing my children.  As per Oklahoma stereotypes, the wind has definitely been sweepin’ down the plain.  I could go on about the beauties of spring and what I enjoy most.  But I’m not.  What most concerns me about Spring is the beginning of tornado season.  It is right around the corner and it has me more than a little concerned.

After having had one close call with a twister back home in Georgia, I’ve always been edgy when the tornado topic comes up.  Even as a child I swore to myself that I would never, under any circumstances live in Oklahoma.  I would surely never join the legions of nut cases that called Oklahoma “okay.”  But you see where that got me.  Maybe I should have sworn to never make a million dollars.

Hurricanes.  Now there’s a natural disaster that I can get behind.  All the force and wonderment of nature but with enough time to get out of the way.  Ah yes.  Hurricane season has always been like deer season to me.  Each year as a child I couldn’t wait for it to arrive.  For half the year I would get to park myself in front of The Weather Channel  and track storms like a deranged-miniature psychopath.  It was great.  And still is.  No, I do not like the loss of life/person property, but I do find the other many aspects of Hurricanes absolutely fascinating.

Tornadoes?  Not so much.  I now find myself jealous of the storm shelters our neighbors have.  Maybe we can strike up some kind of time share.  I get to use it every other tornado.  It could work.  [wink]

The truth is that as much bad press Oklahoma gets for their tornadoes, I have yet to meet many people who have ever even seen one here.  So, here’s to hoping in the coming weeks that I’ll get to stay in that club.  The “never seen” club.  (Maybe we’ll even order some “Members Only” jackets.  Sa-weet!)

My eyebrows are stylin’!

24 Mar

Do I know Photoshop? Negative.

Sometimes in the mornings I like to sit at the computer and pretend that I know my way around Photoshop.  My husband could navigate it with his eyes closed and is talented enough to turn out some amazing work.  Mwa?  Well, let’s just say that I know how to resize a photo.  I know, right?  Pretty impressive.  I’ve got skills.

Speaking of morning, I was not running on all eight cylinders when I got up today.  I felt more like a four-cylinder Geo Metro than a some other more powerful car.  (As if I know any good car references.)  My lack of attention to detail became quite apparent as I went to moisturize this morning.  Body lotion on body?  Check.  Hair styling paste on face?  Double check.  (And here’s a hint, that stuff is meant for your hair, not your face.)  You won’t believe what it will do for your eyebrows.  [wink]  What it won’t do is moisturize.  Nice one, Raine.  You’re definitely my hero.

This reminded me of the time I wash my hair with dog shampoo out of sheer desperation.  What?  I forgot to buy more.  It’s  not as if the dogs were going to protest.  (And I must say my hair smelled super fruity all day.)

So, what are some of your most memorable morning goof ups?  (Did I mention I once shut my ear in a door?  No?  How about turning a back flip in the shower?  Gosh…you’re missing out!)

To round off this disjointed post, check out some super awesome Japanese cuteness: Mameshiba

The kids absolutely love these videos as do I.  Fisher even acquired the Mameshiba Mocha Bean plush toy over the weekend.  He’s calling it Mockla since Mocha is apparently too difficult to pronounce.  (FYI: Mockla is Fisher’s name for almost every toy he owns.)

What’s in a Name?

23 Mar

It’s rare that I get to blog about work these days.  Since I left property management my excitement meter is normally pointing at empty.  However, there are those few days a month when I come across some gems.  Take for instance today:  I’m working on a map from Tippecanoe County, Indiana from back in the 1830’s.  It is chock full of the most amazing names that you’ve ever heard.

My first example: Dimmitt Cole.  Holy cow. Why?  Did the parents not know how to spell “dammit”?  His name makes the perfect expletive:  “Dimmitt!  I stubbed my toe!”

Behind door number two there is: Peter Horney.  I am not lying.  I just hope that those references for male genitalia weren’t around back then.  [immature giggle]

And finally there is: Cuthbert Bullitt.  Oh, these three would make the most amazing posse ever known.  I could see them starring in their own western.  “Be on the lookout for the Tippecanoe gang!  They’re a steely eyed bunch!”  [Bahaha!]

I could go on, but I’ll stop here.  Who knew that genealogical research could be so entertaining?  Poverbs Butt, that’s who.  [laugh]  (Yes, he was a real person.)

What a Woman Wants

22 Mar

It’s that time of year again.  The flowers are blooming.  The Bradford Pear trees are smelling.  Everyone and their sister is having a baby.  It’s freakin’ Spring, y’all.  Normally I’m kind of sad to see Winter go, but after the past few months of near sub-zero wind chills, I’m quite content to sweat a little in the afternoons.  The other upside is for once I am not having to suffer through the pollen explosion that occurs this time each year in South West Georgia, my home sweet home.

I don’t know if Oklahoma has less of a problem in this area due to the sparse tree population or the constant blowing wind.  Whatever the excuse, I’m happy for it.  Sorry, Georgia.  You’ll have to sit through this one without me.  [Muahaha!]  *cough*

Oklahoma pays for its lack in pollen in the form of Bradford Pear Trees.  If you’ve ever spent time around these trees when they’re in full bloom then you know what I’m talking about.  The stench of rotting vegetation.  Oh, the flowers are beautiful, but the smell keeps you from admiring them for too long.  [sniiiiiff]  Mmm…lovely.

And then there are the babies.  Everyone I know has either just had a baby or is about to.  And this year that particular spring-time phenomenon is about to get the best of me.  I’ve got the itch, but the problem is that I do not have anything to scratch.  [That was an excellent Major Payne reference, by the way.]  I want a gurgling, squirming, drooling bundle of goodness so badly that I can hardly stand it.  What’s stopping me?  Have you checked into the price of having a baby these days?  Yowzers.  It’ll make you want to slap your mama…ur, baby daddy.  [wink]  And to make a preemptive strike, no, I’m not pregnant.  I’d like to be, but I’m not.  So, here’s to hoping that maybe, just maybe sometime this year I can discover the joy that is peeing on a stick and discovering a plus sign.  [fingers crossed]  Of course first I need to win the lottery.  And get a house.  And a million other things.  [smile]