Archive | January, 2012

Look How Far You’ve Come

26 Jan

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Saturday is my co-worker’s birthday.  And since she considers it to be a National Holiday, she is taking the day off tomorrow.  Thus, today was the day for all office festivities.  I hung up the obligatory “Happy Birthday” banner and even doused her desk in confetti…because I’m just that nice.  I even went so far as to make her a hand-made card.  (Complete with fallopian tubes & ovaries!)  You only wish you had a friend as awesome as myself.

I saw a card similar to this the other day on the internet and instantly fell in love.  It is the best card idea in existence.

I think it turned out well considering I’ve never drawn a uterus before and it was completed in under five minutes.  You know you’ve done a good job on gift-giving when the recipient is too embarrassed to show it off freely.

You’re welcome.

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Pixel me this, Batman

24 Jan

Hrm…whatever could it be?

Jordan has spent the last five days in Dallas attending the ALA winter conference, or for those of you who aren’t in the know: American Library Association.  Seriously, it’s the most happening event to occur in the last week…in Texas…*ahem*

A conference brimming with librarians and what I assumed would be the world’s largest “Quite Please” sign did not sound like something I couldn’t live without seeing.  Jordan invited me down over the weekend, however a 3+ hour car trip with the kids  just to rub elbows with tweed-clad women didn’t tempt me away from the mountain of laundry awaiting me at home.

Oh, I should have gone.  What was I thinking?  Do you know what librarians do?  They work with books.  Books, I know, right?!  And do you know where they get these books from?  Publishers.  Bingo!  The ALA was crawling with Publishers hawking upcoming releases from some very fabulous authors.  Advanced copies as far as the eye could see, free for the taking!  (Oh, I think I need a moment alone.)  And I missed out.  *le sigh*  Thankfully Jordan snagged quite the load of newbie books and unloaded them in our living room last night.  Kids books, graphic novels, fiction, short-stories, etc…  It.  Was.  Glorious.

Best of all, my mother-in-law scored an advanced copy of the newest book from one of my favorite authors for me.  I feel sneaky having it, almost as if I am operating under the radar… or above the law!  (Catch me if you can, Steven Segal.)  I plan on hunkering down at lunch with it just to whisper sweet nothings into its binding.

I hate to brag, but I am pretty sure that I am the coolest person in my office right now.  (Never mind that there are only four of us.)

Anyhoo, if you are ever invited to hob-nob with some librarians, do it!  You’ll thank me.

Return from library land

23 Jan
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Say whaa?

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Flippity flip, fool!

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“The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby”

(The 8-megapixel camera on my new smartphone is not impressing me.  What’s up, smart phone?  No flash?  Fine…adjust your ISO, for Pete’s sake.  You know how easily upset Pete can get.)

Jordan has been out of town for five days at a library conference and has just returned home with a truck load of new books.  Books are our crack.  We love books at our house.  We would shuffle them across boarders in stolen truck tires if it were required…and if it wouldn’t bend the pages.

We have read aloud to each other for an hour now and there is no sign of us stopping any time soon.  Jordan has already graced us with a story about Chinese fox-vampires and Jaden is just now starting in on “The Adventures of Super Diaper Baby.”  If you can’t guess, this book is seeping at the seams with bathroom humor which is the most sought-after brand of humor in our house these days.

I personally love the look on Fisher’s face in the first photo the best.  He is the master of emotional conveyance and would have a bright future in miming if only it where a profitable profession.

Think it Through

19 Jan

(No, I am not pregnant.  There is something about blog posts that have either A) Belly Pictures  B) The word “pregnant” included within them.  It’s as if the mind zeros in on those items and assumes what it wishes.  Oh, you finicky mind, you.)  

Monday night I was feeling a bit nostalgic and decided to dig through a trunk of old photos that has taken up space in my living room for far too long.  (Actually, it’s not a trunk but a plastic storage bin.  However “plastic storage bin” doesn’t sound as nice as “trunk,” so I’m opting for the classier terminology here.)

In the “trunk” there where mostly pictures a decade old or older, however tucked in along the sides were some photos from last year.

One in particular caught the eye of my daughter who immediately exclaimed, “…are you pregnant in that picture?!”

Oh, Jaden.  Apparently in your nines years you have yet to learn that is one of many questions that you just don’t ask a woman.  Besides, most pregnancies result in a baby, and there was an obvious lack of infants around our house.  I gave her a long stare, and then asked her the obvious:

 “Do you see any babies crawling about?  I’m pretty sure you would have remembered me getting an enormous belly and a new baby coming home to live with us.”

To which Jaden replied: “It was a legitimate question!  Your stomach looks poofy in that picture!”

Thanks, sweetie.

This little exchange reminds of another conversation Jaden and I had over the weekend in the middle of a parking lot:

Jaden: (Worried about being run over by a car in the parking lot) “Is it okay to walk across?”

Me: “Yes, it’s fine.”

Jaden: (sigh) “Cars make me nervous.  I’m afraid that one is going to hit me.  Don’t you ever get nervous in parking lots?

Me: “Not really.  As long as you pay attention to your surroundings, you should be okay.”

Jaden: (thinking long and hard) “When you were a little girl, had cars even been invented yet?”

Me: (Oh. My. Goodness.) “Yes, cars where in existence when I was a child.  I”m sorry to laugh, sweetie, but it’s a cute question.”

Jaden: “Oh!”  (As if to say that if cars hadn’t been in existence when I was a child, I couldn’t possibly relate to her fear of being hit by a car in a parking lot.   As if this was a fear only experienced by children.)

Touche!

Split

18 Jan

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The school nurse and I have built up quite the rapport this year.  Jaden can be a bit, *ahem*, dramatic at times.  She “may” blow small injuries out of proportion into life-threatening ordeals.  Thus once a week the school nurse calls to let me know that Jaden has run head-long into a wall or tripped over a rollie pollie or has been involved in some other mundane act that has resulted in an “injury.”  The injury is usually unremarkable yet somehow warrants copious amounts of ice and bandages and my immediate attention.  She never ceases to amaze me in her ability to trip over her own feet.  But what can I say, she’s my daughter.  She got her lack of coordination from me.  [le sigh]

Thus last Friday morning when the school’s number appeared on my phone seconds after I had arrived at work, I sighed in preparation for what I was sure would be a long-winded explanation of how Jaden has injured herself 5 minutes into the school day and was in need of medical attention.  Instead, the call was less urgent in nature yet held more merit than the usual “bumps and scrapes” calls I got from the nurse.

It was the school receptionist calling to let me know that Jaden had ripped a hole in her pants and needed me to bring her a replacement pair.  Well, that’s more like it.  I didn’t know how she had managed to do it, but a hole-y pair of pants was a worthy cause.  When I got to the school with the replacement pair I found that the word “hole” was insufficient.  What the school receptionist should have said was that a gaping chasm had manifested itself without warning and that Jaden was now walking about with literally  half her bottom hanging out.

Her jeans had torn in-two along the inseam from below her knee all the way to her zipper.  And it was only a frosty 30+ degrees outside.  The poor thing.  She was sitting in the office, freezing, with her jacket wrapped about her legs in an attempt to comply with school dress code.  (Because they frown on showing that much leg in Elementary School.)

She scrambled into the “whole” new jeans I had brought her and set off back to class as I got into the car to return to work.  I felt slightly guilty for having been frustrated by receiving a call from the school, yet relieved that it was only a pair of torn pants and not another “injury.”

At least I’ve got my priorities in order.  ;]

Hair…cut!

17 Jan

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Hair?  Cut!

Somehow a “trim” always turns into a “cut” for me.  However, I must say that short hair is so liberating. My short hair will kick your hair’s arse!

Aside

Late last night…

12 Jan

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Late last night a cold front pushed through bringing high wind and some of the largest snow flakes I have ever seen.  The kids were thrilled to see the snow, especially since they received snow gear for Christmas.  Sadly it didn’t last long and was gone completely by this morning.  Denny, our Corgi, enjoyed it as much as he could when we would let him.  Shockingly he didn’t want to go outside to bark wildly at the coyotes that seem to be sneaking about the fields near our home here lately.  Instead he stared into the wind, letting the snow flakes drift about his ears.  Lemon, our Dachshund, looked at us as if to say, “…that dog has last his mind.”  Who could argue with that?  It was certainly sound logic.  Eventually he slinked back into the house with a full pout and covered in snow.  (Of course then he had the audacity to curl up under our bare feet as if we too wanted snowy toes.)