My nose knows

5 Oct

At the beginning of the year I had a chronic sinus infection that lasted for over 3 months.  I had six different antibiotics and narrowly avoided “drastic measures” to make it go away.

Since then I’ve had surgery, my husband had his gallbladder remove and my son just had his tonsils out.  As far as surgery is concerned, we have been there, done that and have an entire closet of T-Shirts to prove it.  (Actually, it’s less of a closet of T-Shirts and more of a draw full of non-skid, one-size-fits-none non-skid socks.)

Thus I was less than pleased this week to be told by my doctor that I once again had a chronic sinus infection.  It’s been with me since July and though we’ve had some good times in the doctor’s office together, I’m ready for the relationship to end.  What can I say, it’s just not working out.  It’s not you, it’s me.

To solidify my doctor’s diagnosis, I was sent for a CT Scan of my sinuses.  I was disappointed to find out that I wouldn’t get a copy of the scan.  How awesome would that be hanging over the fireplace?  Maybe framed by some art by the kids?  Classy.  It turned out that my chronic sinus infection was beginning to wane but I did, in fact, have a very messed up nose.  “Where you in some horrible accident as a child?”  “Have you ever wrestled a bear?”  “What exactly did you do to your nose?”  Me?  I have no clue.  As far as I know, this is the same nose I was born with.  What can I say, my nose is a free spirit.

Apparently my nose sports a severely deviated septum which itself sports several nasal bone spurs.  Sa-weet!  When it comes to my nose, if it’s going to go, it’s going to go ALL the way.  My funked-up nose has won me a one-way, no expenses paid ticket to a Septoplasty on October 17th.

Have you ever Googled a Septoplasty?  Oh, it’s horrible.  Not only will the surgeon “fix” my septum, he’s going to do some lipo on my turbinates as well.  Dude…a nose job and lip!  All I need now are some new boobs!  (Seriously, who knew you could liposuction your turbinates?  Who knew what turbinates where without having to do a Google search?)

Oh the places I’ll go!  Actually, it should be “oh , all the places I won’t go!” because my nose will be seriously messed up and I’ll have splints in for 9 days.  That’s right.  A swollen, bloody nose with two straws stuck inside.  Nice.  Sexy.  How will I keep my husband off of me?

Stay tuned for more nose-tastic news!

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2 Responses to “My nose knows”

  1. robbie burke October 5, 2012 at 6:19 PM #

    So glad youre back!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Boomer Sooner! « Bad, with Conviction - October 16, 2012

    […] weekend get-away was just what we needed.  Tomorrow I go in for my Septoplasty.  (Eek!)  My nose is quivering at the though.  […]

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