I can “check” you out

16 Jun

I’ve finally reached the point in life where pick-up lines are no longer creepy or flattering, but simply humorous.

My earliest memory of a boy trying to “pick” me up was when I was a substitute teacher for a children’s Sunday School class.  A boy of about six years of age remarked as I walked by:  “…you want some fries with that shake?”

Oh yes.  He even wriggled his eye brows as he said it.  Score two points, Fisher Price.

Today, however, I experience the most original and professionally executed pick-up line to date.  I had stopped by the wine store on the way home from work to pick up some white wine.  Firstly, I don’t like to call it the Liquor store because it sounds less sophisticated.  (cough)  Secondly, I needed some white wine because I like to alternate my wine.  I’m finishing off a lovely Merlot, thus a Sauvignon Blanc was next in line.

…but I digress.

Normally the older gentleman who owns the store is the sole cashier.  I was waiting in line to purchase my New Zealand Sauvignon…because I’m continental…when a young fellow called over to me from another register with the offer to check me out.  Thus the pick-up began:

Twenty-ish Young Guy: I can check you out.

Me: Okay…thanks.

Twenty-ish Young Guy: Well…eyebrow wriggle…I can’t check you out.  But I can ring you up.

Me: Laugh.  Alright.

Twenty-ish Young Guy: More eyebrow dancing…Well, I can’t ring you up…laughing at his own smoothness.

Me: Embarrassed laughter not for myself, but for him.  Laughter which he took as encouragement. 

The “check out” process finished and as I signed my receipt…

Me: Thanks.  That was the best check out I’ve had all day.  Said in a sympathetic attempt to make him feel like he’d accomplished something.

Twenty-ish Young Guy: Same time tomorrow?  A line delivered dripping of suave-ness. 

Me:  You bet.  (As in…in your dreams.)

I left chuckling to myself over the exchange.  He probably tried to high-five himself over his sweet moves. 


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