How do you spell love? L.I.C.E.

5 Apr

For over a week now Jaden’s head has  been itching like mad.  And for over a week now I have been baffled as to what could be causing it.  I’ve been combing through it every day with not the slightest hint as to what was going on.  Until last night.  We had all taken an evening trip up to the city to visit Super Cao Nguyen, an Asian supermarket and had gotten back home late.  Since it takes Jaden forever to dry her hair with a blow dryer, I opted to do it for her.  Oh the things I saw.  Millions of things.  Tiny things.  With tiny legs.  And tiny mouths.  Lice.  Hoards of them.

I have heard of this being a common childhood problem but have never dealt with it first hand.  I always assumed that it would be frustrating but otherwise not too complicated.  Oh, how I was wrong.  After giving Jaden the human equivalent of a flea bath, I spent over two hours with her on the couch, combing through her hair like an ape that hadn’t seen a decent meal in a month.  I combed and combed….and picked and picked…and combed some more.  For hours.  Does anyone know how many hairs are on a human head?  Answer: too many.  The damned things died  in her hair with a death grip on her hair shafts.  Lice comb?  Psh.  For amateurs.  Canine flea comb?  It may give the lice a gentle massage as it blows past them.  No, I extracted untold amounts of lice and eggs from her hair with just a thumb and a fore finger.

I’ve spent the rest of the day washing everything in piping hot water.  I’ve boiled every hair brush, band, clip and bow.  I’ve vacuumed every square centimeter of the house.  I am freakishly tired and hot.  Also, did I mention the stuffed animals?  Jaden sleeps with a zoo at night and all one thousand of its occupants are now sealed in air tight backs for four weeks of fun in the dark in the garage.

So…head lice.  Frustrating?  Oh, you have no idea.

I’ll be treating Fisher tonight just as a precautionary measure.  As for Jordan and myself…well, we took care of ourselves last night:


I look as though a cow has molested my scalp with its tongue.


There is nothing more romantic than combing through your spouses scalp.  Nor does anything else spell “oh baby, oh baby, oh yeah” like your spouse dousing you with lice killer.  It was a hot night on our bedroom last night.


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