Hey…know what you are?

18 Feb

Warning…more cursing.  [curtsy]

Jordan has the flu AND a bacterial infection.  I’ve been spraying his toast with Lysol for a week, but apparently it didn’t work.  He’s the .1%!

I called my mom yesterday to bemoan the fact that another one of us had the flu.  It’s almost comical.  Almost.  After passing back and forth a few jokes, we got around to discussing yesterday’s blog post.  Goshdarnit.  Kids say the most unexpected things.  But hey, what are you going to do?  Everyone poops…I mean, curses.  Once on the topic of curing, I was reminded of the very first time I cursed in front of my mom:

I can’t exactly remember how old I was.  Probably 8 or 9.  Old enough to have picked up a few curse words, but not old enough to really know what they meant.  And then there was this one word that I’d heard.  I wasn’t exactly sure what it meant, however I was sure that it was a compliment.  I’d heard it on TV and the adult on the receiving end of the world laughed.  That’s a good sign, right?  Surely it wasn’t a sarcastic laugh…. [ahem]  So, one afternoon as my mom, step-dad, sister and I were driving down the road, I decided to try out my new word.  Everyone was in a great mood, especially my step-dad.  I felt that he was the most deserving of my “compliment.”  As soon as the conversation in the car came to a lull and I caught his eye in the rear-view mirror, I smiled sweetly and said:

“You know what you are?  You’re a bastard!”  [blink, blink, smile]

The utter horror on his and my mother’s face was not what I had expected in response.  Everyone knew that bastards were the best, right?  No?  Well, apparently they’d missed that memo.  Then that sneaking suspicion that maybe my new word wasn’t all that great began to steal over my sub-conscience.

After a few frenzied minutes of raised voices, scowls and backpedaling, I finally get it across to them that I was sure that being a bastard was a good thing.  Wrong.  Dead wrong.  Not even close.  The rest of the car ride was spent listening to a lecture on curse words and how very awful they were.  Oopsies.

So let this be a lesson.  Don’t tell your parents that they’re bastards.  [wink]

Trick or treat, Bitches.




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