Lumps, and Steves and Pimples, oh my!

4 Jan

After being M.I.A. for a week, I usually take another week to recount my actions of the missing week.  However, I just don’t feel like it.  Waaahh.  So, for one, you are all sparred.

Now.  Let’s talk about New Years.  (But, Raine.  Isn’t New Years covered in the “missing week?”)  Yes, it is.  But it’s my blog, so you’ll just have to deal with it.

You know how people say that whatever you’re doing at midnight on New Year’s Eve is what you’ll be doing all year?  Well…want to know what I was doing?  [eye brow wiggle]  Huh?  [dramatic pause]  I was cleaning up puke.  With my husband….so it’s kind of romantic, right?  Fisher “may” have eaten too much at the movies that evening.  And he “may” have eaten an enormous bowl of mac-n-cheese at supper directly after the movie.  So it was no surprise when he went sprinting down the hallway whimpering and basically looking like the saddest person on earth.  Because he was.

So Jordan and I ringed in the New Year by scraping puke off of mattresses, scrubbing carpet and praying that Fisher’s stomach would eventually run out of food to regurgitate.  It was magical.

Then, the very next day, I woke up with the most enormous….thing…on my face.  I don’t know what the hell it is, but it’s large, swollen and edging into the realm of being down-right ridiculous.  Bug bite, perhaps?  Probably.  However, now I’m walking around looking like I’ve got a case of the mumps.  (I’ve never seen a case of the mumps, but I like to imagine that this is what it looks like.

Then, the day after that, I woke up with this freakishly large….thing…on my chin.  Eek-gads!  What is up, universe?  The thing on my chin is none other than the classic pimple.  As I am sure that each of you wanted to read about someone’s pimple today.  However, it can’t really be called a pimple.   A pimple is small and quaint and wears plain white Keds and ribbons in its hair.  Annoying, yet not that bad over all.  No, the thing on my chin is more like a….Steve.  Yes, Steve.  Like the kind of Steve you meet in a bar.  The kind of Steve that has “Mom” tattoo’d on his arm and has mastered the ability of having a cigar dangle from its lips without ever falling out.  Steve.  And, if you look ever so closely at Steve, as He/It sits perched on my chin, you can see tiny hikers racing toward the top to plant a flag of success in the name of their country.  I imagine that they are Germans.

So, this is how my New Year has been so far.  Puke.  Lumps.  Steves.  It’s ever so happy.  [wink]

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One Response to “Lumps, and Steves and Pimples, oh my!”

  1. Wren January 4, 2011 at 9:56 PM #

    You are truly strange dear sister….and I love you so much for it ;)

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