I should have named him Sparky

15 Dec

The most mysterious phenomenon has been occurring around me lately.  Everything is shocking me.  I know it’s pretty common during the winter.   The air is dry, your skin is dry…everything is like a desert.  And I guess that’s why static electricity builds up so easily.  However, I have entered an entire new level of dry.  You think it’s dry in Georgia during the winter?  Move to Oklahoma.  It’s dryyyyy.  And I’m not talking about little shocks…I’m talking big ones.  BIG ones.

Take for instance the other day: I walked into Jordan’s office to give him a quick kiss.  Because he’s a sexy man beast.  [wink]    The moment was perfect, the fluorescent lights where humming overhead, the computers were whirring softly in the background and Jordan had a 2-week-old beard that tried to attack my face whenever I got near.  The time could not have been more perfect.  However, just as our lips touched, static electricity stole the show.  Our lips shocked each other so badly that I was sure we were going to look like that kid from Jurassic Park once we took a step back.  (You know…when he’s climbing down the electric fence and the people back in the control room finally figure out how to turn the power back on?)  Yep.  Bleeding ears and all.  Talk about a man who can knock your socks off.  His kiss really packed a punch.  (Ba-dum Chish.  <– That was a cymbal and drums, FYI.)   For the rest of the day we just exchanged hugs.

Then, two nights ago, static electricity showed up in the oddest place.  At 1AM Denny, our Corgi, heard another dog in the neighborhood barking.  Not wanting to be rude, he returned the dogs barks from inside our bedroom.  I yelled “No!” as loud as I could, hoping that he would catch on to the idea that dogs shouldn’t bark indoors, especially when the entire house is asleep.  No takers.  About that time, Jordan popped up awake beside me.  He hadn’t heard Denny barking, but he had heard my yelling.  He assumed that I was talking in my sleep again.  It’s as if I talk in my sleep often.  (Eh-heh)  I can’t imagine why he’d assume that.  ;]

Once I’d assured Jordan that I’d yelled out on purpose, he went back to sleep and Denny continued to bark at a dog that was in no way capable of hearing him.  So I put him in bed with us.  I petted him and talked baby talk to him because all dogs love baby talk.  Right?  After a few minutes of having his ears rubbed and his back scratched he calmed down and stretched out to go to sleep.  Just then, the weirdest thing happened: As I was petting his back, sparks began to appear in his fur.  His fur started crackling and sparking like a roman candle.  Holy 4th of July, Batman.  This dog is about to go off!

I.  Freaked.  Out.  Holy moly.  My dog was throwing off sparks.  If I continued to pet him, surely the bed would catch on fire!  And then the house!  And then the neighborhood!  (Ah-ha!  We’d show that other dog what happens when he barks in the night!)  Denny didn’t seem to notice that his fur was alive with electricity, but I certainly did.  I quickly woke up Jordan again, sure that he would help me put out the fire that our dog was going to start.  He was….less than happy that I’d woken him up again.

“Omigosh, Jordan!  Denny is on fire!  I mean, not ON fire…but his fur is throwing off sparks!  Look at this!  Oh…the utter horror of it all!”

“Um…that’s perfectly normal.  Can I go back to sleep?”

“What do you mean that’s normal?  Our dog is going to start a fire.”

“No he won’t.  Trust me.  It’s just that the air is dry and it’s easy to build up an electrical charge when the air is like this.  I used to create sparks with my pajama’s all the time when I was a kid.  I’d just kick my legs back and forth under the covers and sparks would appear. Static electricity.  Now, goodnight.”

I may have sat at the end of that conversation feeling a bit dumb, but I am still convinced that Denny is going to cause a fire.  Now I know why the gas pumps always warn you to discharge yourself before touching the pumps.  If my dog can do that, imagine what I could do at the gas pump.  Ooo…spooky.

So now I may become a hermit.  You know, stay in my house made entirely out of concrete and never leave. [wink]  It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it means not burning down the universe.

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One Response to “I should have named him Sparky”

  1. Amber December 15, 2010 at 12:56 PM #

    one day i asked winston for a kiss and we both got shocked pretty bad. it freaked him out and he wouldn’t kiss me for like 3 days!! hehe, poor thing!! :P

    and, i have one blanket that does the sparks thing….i thought it was the weirdest thing when i first noticed it and kinda freaked out a bit. but now, i just giggle to myself when it happens. lol.

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