The kids are NOT impressed

14 Oct

I was anxious to pick up the kids from school yesterday after all the excitement from the earthquake.  (What a strange sentence to type.  Never that I’d start of a blog with that line.)  Plus I knew that Jaden would definitely have a good story to tell.  I was not let down.

Jaden & Fisher got in the car wearing the biggest frowns that have ever existed.  It was as if they had been banned from sugar for the rest of their lives and they were not happy about it.  Before I could ask what had gotten them so upset Jaden spoke up:

“Mooooommy.  There was an earthquake today.”  (Said with as much incredulity as if flying pigs had just buzzed the school.)

With arms akimbo and knitted brows they both looked utterly unimpressed.  If the memory of the quake wasn’t still fresh in my mind I would have laughed.  They weren’t scared at all, they were mad.  How dare the earth even think about shaking like that.  Didn’t it know that would see it as an April Fools joke and not as something thrilling?  Tisk, tisk.  The earth should act more mature.

They finally got over their displeasure and the day continued on as usual.  The kids entertained themselves by making paper animals at the office as the rest of us worked.  Their craft projects always leave the office looking like the aftermath of a paper mill explosion.  Yes, things were back to normal.

Last night, however, was peppered with some excitement.  Or should I say more terror.  Jaden, as usual, had soaked in the bathtub until the water had turned cold and she was looking more like a prune than a second-grader.  This meant that she would have to blow-dry her hair from the state of being dripping wet.  Ladies, we all know how long this can take.  After twenty minutes of “drying” her hair, I finally went in to the bathroom to help her out.  She was sitting on the counter, staring at the ceiling and only hitting her hair with the hot air every twenty seconds.  It was slow going.  So I asked her to slide off the counter so I could finish drying her hair for her.  As she slid off, I opened up a drawer to retrieve a hair brush.  She slipped and began to fall off the counter at the same time I was opening the drawer.  Before I could catch her she went crashing into the corner of the drawer which is much sharper than you would imagine.  Then it began.  First came the silent build-up of a scream as sheer terror filled her eyes.  I instantly scooped her up to hold her before she let the first scream loose.  It was THE scream.  It’s the scream that means business.  This is not the “oh-I-tripped-and-bruised-my-knee” scream.  It’s the “mind-numbing-pain” scream that usually results in a trip to the emergency room.  The next few minutes were spent with me begging her to take a deep breath, her screaming in pain and the rest of the household yelling questions at us both.

I’ve discovered that during intense situations I develop tunnel vision.  I knew that everyone else was trying to figure out what had happened but all my brain would allow for me to do was rock Jaden back and forth whilst trying to calm her down.  If I could get her calm than I could assess the damage.  Unfortunately for everyone watching I finally snapped and screamed, “SHE FELL ON THE DRAW!!”  Which made complete sense to me.

However that sounded like crazy talk to everyone standing by.  How does one fall on a draw?  My statement had not answered their questions at all, it had only made them confused.  Oops.  Sorry folks.  Don’t you know that an injured child impedes my communication skills?

In the end Jaden was fine.  She scraped her bottom and woke up this morning bruised and slightly swollen.  I didn’t have the heart to give her the typical line of, “See.  That’s what happens when you don’t follow the rules.”


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