I pity the fool…

26 May

It’s hard to believe, but every so often I have to go to court in an effort to collect rent from unwilling tenants.  Shocking, I know.  Who doesn’t want to have a place to live? 

It’s one of the many joys of property management…one that I try to take in stride.  *cough*  Yesterdays trip to court proved to be interesting as always:

After find a parking place in the creepy downtown parking garage, I made my way across the road to the court-house.  You have to be careful when choosing a path across.  Go one way and you have to face a gaggle of old ladies who like to throw religious tracts at you.  Go the other way and you’re home free.  Okay, you don’t have to be that careful.  You mainly have to steer clear of the ladies.  They are spunky for their age.  (And stubborn)

So, after deploying evasive manuevers to cross the road, I went up to the third floor for court.  This meant that I had to ride in what is possibly the oldest elevator in existence that it still working.  To call it slow would be a compliment.  I could sprint up the stairs faster than it travels.  Plus, it smelled of body odor yesterday, which is never good a thing when you’re stuck in a small, humid space.

But I digress…

The court room was standing room only when I arrived.  It was hot, smelly and noisy due to several parents who had decided to let their infants tag along to Magistrate Court.  What spells summer fun?  C-o-u-r-t.  The judge didn’t take too kindly to this, and moved one man to the hallway since his child decided to scream his ABC’s as the judge was calling the calendar.  No worries.  He didn’t have to stay out there long.  The judged tried his case first since he had a “kids first” policy.  Got a screaming kid?  You get to skip to the front of the line! 

However, the child had other ideas.  He ran circles around the bailiff, climbed up and down the stairs and even tried to climb up the judges legs at one point.  (?!?!!)

Bad form, dude. 

The judge proceeded to exile the guy to the hallway once again since he couldn’t keep his kid under control.  Have you ever seen blood vessels pop out of someone’s forehead?  Well, I could see the judges from the back row.  It was spectacular.  They bulged and pulsated with all the fury a judge could muster.  Aneurism in T-minus 3…2…1…!

 If the other people in the court room weren’t scared stiff, I’m sure a collective “Ooo, burn!” would have rippled through the room.  But, we were too scared…so we didn’t.  Eventually a baby sitter arrived and the man in the hallway finally got to stand before the judge without distraction.  You’d think that at this point the man would have been humbled into quiet respect of the judge…not so.  He cut off the judge at every corner and very nearly got thrown out again.

If only we were allowed food in court.  This was prime entertainment that would have been made better by popcorn.  Alas, no food is allowed.  (Or flip flops.) 

In the end the man walked away rejected.  Sadly, if you don’t pay, then you can’t stay.  (A terrible slogan, I must admit.) 

I had the pleasure, *ahem*, of riding down in the elevator with him.  The slow, stinky elevator. 

It is where people with good dispositions go to die.

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