Toilet Snakes…They’re Real

25 May

By Johan Olander


At least once a week Jordan takes the kids to the library.  The kids spend the majority of their time there deciding which books to check out and not read.  What?  You’re supposed to read them once you check them out?  I thought you were just supposed to decorate with them.  Hmm.  Once they’ve wound their way through the children’s section, they head over to the adult book section.  

I hate referring to things as “adult” and “children.”  Id I refer to something as the “children’s” section, then it’s okay.  However, label something as the “adult” section and free edible underwear is surely being passed out.  

Anyhoo…Jordan never stays in his prefered section for long.  The kids poke each other, ask why the sky is blue and drag Jordan to the bathroom a half-dozen times.  It’s not as relaxing as one would think. 

Fast forward to yesterday’s trip to the library:  Jaden ended up picking out a pretty cool book.  One so interesting that I actually think she’s going to read this one.  The book is “A Field Guide to Monsters” by Johan Olander.  The art is fantastic and the content is pure entertainment for the imagination.  Thankfully Jaden and Fisher aren’t the type of children who are afraid of their own shadow, unlike their mother.  

I leafed through the book last night as I was preparing supper, wanting to see how extensive the book was.  Very extensive is the answer.  So extensive in fact, that it cover the dreaded “Toilet Snake.”  Come on, everyone has been afraid of this one at least once in their life.  What could be more horrifying than sitting down to do your business and having a snake bite you in the arse?  Nothing, that’s what.  Want to know what it looks like?  It is the featured monster on the front of the book.  Long and scaly with mouth ringed in teeth.  Exactly as we all knew it would look like. 

Scared?  You shouldn’t be.  Thankfully the book also informs the reader on how to avoid such nasty beasties.  So, you can either start using an outhouse, or you can appeal to its good nature with its favorite food…though I’m not sure I want to know what a toilet snake eats.


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