Golden Oldie Brigade Strikes Back

16 Apr

Old people do not like me today.  I hate to say “old people” because it sounds immature, but they are people who are old…so there you go.  How else can I say it….the elderly?  Yes, that’s better.  The elderly do not like me.  In fact, they are out to take me down.  I can totally take them on, but who beats up the elderly?  Right.  No one.  Even if it’s in self-defense, I’d still get in trouble.  Siiigh.

The elderly launched their campaign against me at lunch today.  A nonagenarian and his wife were cruising about the mall parking lot in their Buick town car at a cool 3 MPH….possibly less.  You’d think that at such a low speed that I could easily escape them.  Wrong.  Mr. Shar Pei  Face tried to run me off the road and into some parked cars.  What the frak, man?  Thanks to my expert maneuvering skills, I swerved around him and even scored a front-row parking space.  U-turn FTW!

I scurried into the mall before he tried to run me down again.  I only had about twenty minutes to spare, so I decided to get some Chick-Fil-A to eat in the food court.  However, the golden oldies brigade got me again.  Not only was I skipped in line…I was pushed out of the way!  Before I knew it a frail, stooped over man shuffled up behind me and body bumped me out of line.  Literally.  I kid you not.  How was that possible?!  He can barely walk but he can muster enough strength to give me a belly bump?!  Crazy. 

Needless to say, I’m steering clear of the frail and infirm for the rest of the day.  I value my life.

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