Hot Sauce? How about Death Sauce?

16 Mar

Remember how Jordan got a bag full of novelty hot sauces from my Mom & Charles at Christmas?  Well, it’s now half-way through March and he is still testing out some of those sauces.  (FYI: Jordan’s taste buds are surely made of steel, for nothing seems to effect them.) 

Last night I cooked White Bean Chicken Chili for supper…it is amazing.  I came across the recipe on one of my favorite blogs, Suburban Bliss.  The recipe calls for a 5-6 dashes of Tabasco, which I added.  However, Jordan felt like his bowl of chili needed a little more oomph.  He whipped out a tiny bottle of maroon sauce named XXX Hot Death Sauce.  He thought it was delicious.  I was sure I saw a mushroom cloud rise up from his bowl as the sauce made contact with the chili. 

The meal progressed and Jordan  continued to comment and how tasty the sauce was on his chili.  As he finished up his last bite, curiosity got the best of me and Jaden.  We had to try the sauce.  Surely “XXX” was an exaggeration.  Jaden was first to try the sauce.  Though, I don’t think the drop of sauce I placed on her finger ever touched her tongue.  However, she did put on quite a show.  *eye roll*  She has a future in theater, I’m sure of it.  After she had finished lamenting over her burning tongue, I sent her to the bathroom to wash her hands.  I made sure to explain to her how awful it would be if she touched her eyes with sauce residue on her finger.  “Whatever you do, Jaden, do not touch your eyes!” 

Then, it was my turn.

With a glass of milk in hand, I coated my finger with the death sauce and proceeded to try it out.  (Ever seen Looney Tunes?  Exactly.  I’m sure that steam was rising from my ears as flames shot out from my mouth.)  It was hot.  Really hot.  I would even go so far as to say that it was XXX hot.  (So the label was right.) 

After several minutes of dramatics on my part, I regained my composure.  I finished off my glass of milk, even though it did nothing for my tongue.  It was then that I committed the most ridiculous act of my life.  What was I thinking?!  I rubbed my eye!  Holy cow, the horror!  Seriously, anything calling itself XXX Hot should never come in contact with your eye.  (As I had just explained to my daughter.)

I ran from the table to go and wash my face and rinse my eye.  Thinking that I had gotten all the sauce off of my finger, I scrubbed away at both eyes, in an attempt to remove my mascara and any lingering sauce.  Wrong move!  Great.  Now I had the blasted sauce in both of my eyes! 

I was surely the most pitiful person you have ever seen.  I fumbled my way back to the kitchen, afraid to open my eyes for fear that the burning would return.  Jordan was kind enough to fetch a chair for me before I ran into something.  And there I sat, for a good ten-ish minutes until my eyes stopped watering. 

Soooo, what have we learned here?  Never, touch your eyes after trying out hot sauce.  Ever.  Just don’t do it.   Oh, and always follow your own advice.


4 Responses to “Hot Sauce? How about Death Sauce?”

  1. Raine March 16, 2010 at 11:59 AM #

    Sadly, I figured that one out the hard way. :/ However, it was entertaining to watch.

  2. shaunana March 16, 2010 at 11:41 AM #

    LOL. …well rainebow, that was horrible. And though I’m sure you’ve learned to not try Jordan’s hot sauce stash, bit of advice…milk is acidic, not an alkaline…though it is cold, it will not help hahaha

  3. Kelly March 16, 2010 at 9:33 AM #

    Being a spice wimp myself I have learned that bread helps. Don’t feel bad. Randy made homemade hot sauce when we were first married and he did the same thing except it got on his contact. Hope you, Jordan and the kids are doing well. Loves!

  4. Wren March 16, 2010 at 9:24 AM #

    I guess burning eyes are better than a screaming sphincter! hahaha ;)

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