Um, no. The church is down the street.

10 Sep

I must have one of those faces. Not the one that’s easily recognizable and everyone thinks that they’ve met me before. It’s the one that compels people to spill forth the juicy details and darkest secrets of their despicable lives. Nice. Why can’t my tenants just ask for a Rental Application and leave it at that? I do not need to listen to a 30 minute dissertation on how they’re too pathetic to find a real job so they’re having to live off of my tax dollars to support their Coach purse habit. You poor thing; my heart bleeds for you. Not really. I also do not want their sweaty, bra money. Cheese and rice…why, oh why must they give me money soaked in bodily fluids? If that isn’t bad enough, it can never be the freshly bathed tenants that want to treat my office like a confessional. No, it’s the hippies and the pimps that want to tell me all of their dirty secrets…no pun intended. They lazily creep into my office sporting dirt scented perfume,dragon breath and Birkenstocks that have never seen a pair of odor eaters and then launch into a poorly orchestrated lie about how their mother died for the third time and they need a place to live. Oh, so you’re getting evicted? Yes, I am fluent desperate tenant. Look, how about you go home, take a SHOWER, brush your teeth with TOOTHPASTE and come back when you’ve gotten your story straight? Thanks. (P.S. It would help your cause if you’d make an effort to enunciate.) *pause* Uh, yes, flash back from the 80’s? You’re next.

(Why has the belted shirt come back into fashion? I can almost accept the thin little belts that people strap down their shirts with, but what’s up with the ones that are wide enough to double as a girth strap on a saddle? That I can’t understand. I mean, unless it’s a flashy weight lifting belt, take it off and join 2009.)

If you can’t tell, my day has been brimming over with the dregs of our rental clientele. Cynicism aside, things have been relatively quiet this week. I’ve been ritualistically basting Jaden’s wounds with hydrogen peroxide and some of the pharmacies finest Super-Neosporin. Jordan, Fisher and myself have been playing around with the idea of getting sick, but we haven’t made up our minds yet. Only time will tell if we’ll be lucky enough to jump on the swine flu wagon. (More sarcasm…oops) Until then, we’ll continue doing homework, watching Food Network and chasing Denny around the house for fun/exercise. ;)


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